There's no specific time limit on healing after divorce. The process can wring our hearts raw, and we deserve as much time as we need to mend it.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on January 5, 2021. It has since been updated.
The time taken to overcome the emotional trauma of a divorce varies from person to person. How do you know you are ready to move on? There are no deadlines for healing from something so difficult, but if and when you are ready to see other people again, you might not always know that immediately. Sometimes, our own emotions get fuzzy and confusing when we have gone through a difficult phase. If you know what to look for within you, you might feel better prepared.
Some of us might want to seek intimacy right after the divorce, especially if our marriage had become an indifferent and cold one. However, that doesn't mean we are ready to be a part of someone else's life. To be certain that we are prepared to welcome someone else into our life, here are some signs that can help you.
Five signs that show you are ready for love again:
Dating might have felt nerve-wracking when we were young, and after a divorce, it could bring up feelings of dread. However, if it doesn't and instead, you feel excited about the idea of meeting new people, you might be ready to move on to the next chapter. If the idea of getting ready to go out and see a potential partner sounds wonderful to you, and you can't wait for all the possibilities, you are ready for this important phase. It is always good to check in with yourself even during a date, as you are allowed to change your mind. It might disappoint your date but sticking around to be polite is not worth making yourself uncomfortable.
Going through the divorce process can stir up some dark feelings within us. Anger and bitterness might be among them. You might even switch between anger and sadness, however, if you are long past anger, you are on the right path. If you feel like socializing again and feel okay about returning a stranger's smile or are making plans to go out with your friends even, you might be ready to start moving on.
Many women might feel that divorce was the final proof they needed that they have become unattractive, but we know in our hearts that that is not true. We might be thinking that with the hurt and vulnerable part of our hearts even when we know that we are still desirable and lovable. If you are already feeling secure in your body, then you might be ready to date, which might involve getting intimate with a new person at some stage. If you are graciously accepting compliments from others instead of doubting them, then you're already on the path of healing.
It is easy to spiral into pain and wallow in it, blaming ourselves for the marriage not working out. Many men don't fret a lot about ending relationships if they have fallen out of love with their partner, but women tend to blame themselves for the failed relationship. We might have wondered at some point that it was a flaw in us but it could just be bad timing or the two of you just grew apart. That happens, more often than you might imagine. If you no longer feel the need to blame yourself or pick on those memories, you are ready for love again.
Feeling secure in ourselves means accepting ourselves emotionally and physically. If we are happy and are taking care of ourselves, it shows in our attitude and actions. When we are so sure of ourselves, we are likely to attract the good into our life. We will know our worth and value ourselves, which means that we won't suffer fools again. Instead, we probably know ourselves better after walking through fire. It would also mean that we will be looking forward to the future instead of lamenting the past.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.