“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” - Deborah Reber.
Ask yourself this question, is breaking up hard or is it breaking up with a certain someone that is hard? Many would say that parting ways from the people they love is the toughest thing to do, but is it tough for them too?
So many times we try to cling on to whatever is left of our relationship with the person we love because we are afraid to let go. But what we don't realize is that they might not be as invested in the relationship as we are and it would not be as hard for them to break up, leaving us alone. We tend to think that us sticking around with them and showing them how much we love them by holding on as tight as we can could bring things back to normal. And it might still be worth it to a certain extent, but when it starts hampering your mental health you ought to do some cold calculations. Many-a-time we are confused as to whether we have done all we could have to save the relationship and if we are letting go prematurely.
If you've been noticing these signs, you need to think about whether holding on to something that causing you only distress is really worth it or not.
In a healthy relationship, partners should not be wary of speaking their minds. In fact, your partner is supposed to your best friend and confidante. Also, free-flowing communication is known to effectively solve the biggest problems, but if you are not able to communicate with your partner at all, that in itself is a big problem. The day you start hiding things from your partner because you think they might not understand you or take it in the wrong way or dismiss your thoughts and opinions, your relationship changes for the worse, claims Essense. When this goes on for a while, you stop communicating altogether and that's when you should think about putting an end to the relationship.
The last thing your relationship should do to you is change you to a point where you are no longer you but a wish-granting machine who functions only to cater to the whims of your partner. We all change in the due course of our relationship, but the question is - to what extent? If you are facing criticism even after trying hard that means you have stopped adding value to their life as a person, you only have value when you are being what they want you to be.
"When just the thought of your partner being close or touching you intimately is off-putting or mildly 'disgusting, it may signal that the relationship is in need of an overhaul, or that a breakup is potentially near," writes Suzanne Degges-White, PhD for Psychology Today. While physical intimacy is not the only glue that holds a relationship together in the long run, if you don't look forward to having an intimate time with your partner or derive pleasure from their closeness then it is the sign of a dysfunctional relationship.
Julie Wadley, founder and CEO of matchmaking and coaching service Eli Simone, tells TIME that every individual has different kinds of requirements in a relationship. These requirements could be emotional, like spending quality time with your husband or functional like running the household. When you think your partner isn't trying hard enough you need to communicate that, and if they don't act even after that, Wadley believes it's time to move on. She also says that instead of sticking with your partner, expecting them to carry out their responsibilities, “you could be taking that time to find someone who will give you what you need.”
"The definition of a healthy family is not a family that doesn’t experience conflict — a healthy family is one that knows how to use the conflict to direct change and growth. When fighting is happening, though, just because you don’t enjoy being around your partner — when every little thing they do is driving you up the wall, or everything they do seems “wrong,” and they refuse to admit that you are “right,” or your desires and preferences are constantly at odds with your partner’s, that’s when there truly might be a serious problem," says Degges-White. The constant arguments have forced you to not communicate with each other at all, but whenever you do, you argue. Neither is not communicating good nor arguing all the time. This is one grave situation, and the only way to save yourself is to let go and move on.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.