While fights from time to time are normal in any relationship, having the same fights over and over again can have a negative impact.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on July 9, 2019. It has since been updated.
Arguments are entirely normal in a relationship because no two individuals can agree on everything. Arguments are signs that you continue to have your own opinion and communicate it with your partner. However, there are times when the fighting gets so bad that some things are said which can't be taken back or you come to certain realizations about your partner which make you see them in a new light.
The arguments can be corroding your relationship slowly too if you keep having them over and over again. Of course, no two couples are alike and what some couples can survive, others can't.
Here are six arguments you could be having, again and again, that could mean the end of your relationship:
We get together with our partners because we like them for who they are but change is something that can't be avoided. All human beings will evolve and grow. However, repeatedly fighting over the fact that one of you needs to change is not a good sign for the relationship. If you're being forced to change for your partner or if you're pushing them to change, it doesn't bode well for the relationship in the long run. If your partner is behaving in a way that is going to negatively impact them, you should be able to talk to them about it. However, changing for the better is their responsibility. Your pushing them will only lead to resentments.
Owning up a mistake can be difficult. But instead of trying to prove that one of you is right each time, the focus should be on fixing the issue. If the fight is about something insignificant try to let it go. When the argument is something important it should obviously be discussed, but keep it mature.
If you feel too angry take time out and think about what exactly bothers you, so that it doesn't come across as rude. If you want to persuade people, raising your voice will get you nowhere. Even in debates, people have well thought out arguments before going in to make their case.
A relationship includes multiple people and each of them will have their own views and ideas. People also react differently to different things. In a relationship, it is important to respect the other and empathize instead of telling them they are wrong. Just because they don't do things the way you prefer doesn't make them wrong. You will have to be open to different opinions and views even in your workplace for a team to function well. A relationship is also teamwork.
People have different levels of libido, so it possible that there might dry phases. Some people associate only sex with intimacy and can assume that something is wrong with them for the partner to not feel interested. This can lead to lower self-esteem and fights springing from insecurity and frustration. There can also be things that one of you wants to try while the other doesn't agree to it that can lead to fights.
If these situations arise, it is important to have a mature conversation rather than blame each other about it. Some people might feel rejected when their partner refuses sex, but they could just be having a hard time at work or it could be hormonal.
If you have disagreements about something fundamental like what counts as cheating this could be a big red flag. If for one partner, monogamy is the expectation while the other sees the relationship as a more open one, both of you differ in your values entirely. For some people, texting another person intimately may not be viewed as cheating but the partner is not of the same view. There needs to be an agreement about what the boundaries are in a relationship for it to progress in a healthy way. Both partners need to come to terms with what lines can't be crossed otherwise your relationship could be in grave trouble.
A 2015 study from the University of Alberta found that those in heteronormative relationships had better intimacy when the partners divide the chores. The paper, Skip the dishes? Not so fast! Sex and housework revisited, found that an egalitarian division of chores and responsibilities led to higher relationship satisfaction. When one feels that the relationship is imbalanced, they would resist some mundane chores like laundry or doing the dishes. Everyone wants to be valued by their partner, if they feel that they are putting in more effort than the other, they would be disappointed.