Mother wounds can leave a lasting impact on how an individual perceives relationships later in life.
It's said that God created mother in His own image. They are the ones who helped shape us into the individuals that we are today. Doesn't matter if she's our biological mother, a mother figure such as an aunt, grandmother, sister, or a teacher... they've all had an impact on us.
However, it shouldn't be forgotten that with the status of "mother," the women in our lives also have the power to impact us throughout our lives, and in some cases, they don't turn out to be the mothers they should have been.
Some mothers might hurt their children through intentional malice or physical and mental abuse. Their emotional and physical absence can also be a reason that some struggle with the wounds that their mothers gave them. These wounds are called Mother Wounds. It plays a major role in deciding how an individual turns out in the future. One harmful impact can ripple through their relationship with everyone they come across throughout their life's journey.
But here are some initial steps that can be taken in healing ourselves from mother wounds.
It's important to express the pain in any way possible, whether it's crying, ranting, writing a diary, or just simply talking. Therapy can help in expressing the pain of being shunned, ignored, or unloved.
But the most important thing is to understand that we weren't the reason why our mother left us to be on our own. We were just children and she was supposed to be the responsible adult. It was her who was supposed to shower the children with love and care, and it wasn't our fault that her priorities were different.
It might be difficult to understand in the beginning what we want or need as adults because of the way our mother made us feel while growing up. Remember, we are not the image that our mother created, rather, we are the imperfect beings who have the potential to be anyone we want. Let go of the less-than-ideal image and we'll be able to accept and recreate our self-image.
Growing up just through the eyes of our mother and her feedback, it's difficult to be self-aware as we're always trying to get her opinion on what we should do or think or feel. It's extremely important to understand the depth of our feelings and their roots. Stoping for a second and listening to what our body is trying to tell us is the first step to figuring out our feelings. Reflecting on them and then naming your feelings is the second step. It won't be easy but it's necessary that we try.
We might be quite critical of ourselves for things that happened in the past but trying and developing self-compassion by being our own friend can help. Realizing that we are not the only people suffering is important too. Taking care of ourselves is not going to spoil us as human beings, in fact, it will only help us get better.
Also, find things that will soothe us internally, like going on a mindful walk, yoga, meditation, and surround ourselves with the things we like.
Contrary to popular belief, therapy is not for the weak. It only empowers us as we understand why we feel the way we are feeling. As we open our hearts and minds, we acknowledge our grief and so we open the way to forgiveness.
Finally, we know it's hard to accept that there's not going to be a day when we finally receive the love from our mother that we've craved for years but it's necessary to accept that our mums are not going to change. It's also important to acknowledge that our moms can only give us as much as they can. That realization can help in mending the relationship as we won't expect anything emotionally.
We have to decide what kind of relationship we want to have with our mothers as it's going to affect our future as well. Since we know that they can never provide us with the love and support that we deserve, leaving that thought behind is best.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.
References:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mother-wound#healing
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201910/the-mother-wound
https://www.drmarikovanen.co.uk/healing-mother-wound-healing-emotional-absence/
