Achieving a climax might be one of the best things in a healthy, physical relationship. But there are certain misconceptions about it that can put a damper on your relationship.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on July 23, 2021. It has since been updated.
While solid relationships are based on respect, compromise, and love, there's no denying that physical intimacy plays a huge role in strengthening the bond between two people. Being able to please your partner and bring them to an explosive climax can bring its own satisfaction. It's only normal that you expect the same. So when it doesn't happen, it can lead to more tension in the relationship.
However, the whole idea of orgasm and what it does for the sexual aspect of your relationship might be based on a few myths. And it is these myths that need to be busted in order for you to enjoy a fulfilling intimate life with your partner.
Busted: It isn't the same for every woman. In fact, orgasm caused by vaginal penetration without direct clitoral stimulation doesn't happen for nearly 75 percent of women. "It’s about the distance between the vaginal opening and the clitoris", said Amanda Luterman, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sexuality, to Allure.
Busted: First off, there's nothing wrong with bringing yourself to an orgasm. In fact, according to a study published in JAMAPedriatics, 58% of women have masturbated, so you're not alone. Second, masturbating won't ruin your chances of achieving an orgasm. “The more orgasms you have, the better you’re going to know how to get there, the more you’re going to want them, and the more you understand yourself,” Dr. Holly Richmond, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist says in an article by Allure.
Busted: Faking an orgasm is essentially a lie. In some ways, it's like telling your partner that you don't trust them enough to help you explore what makes you feel good. At the end of the day, you are also neglecting yourself. Guiding your partner around your pleasure points can help build confidence and increase communication between the two of you.
Busted: Men aren't the only ones who feel sexual frustration physically. A throbbing and aching clitoris can also be just as annoying and frustrating. The lack of having reached climax and not having that release of endorphins can make you feel discomfort. It may even affect your daily activities.
Busted: An explosive orgasm is only one type that you can experience. In fact, most of the time you might be having an orgasm and not even know it. Some women may not feel their pelvic floor muscles contract during orgasm but might feel a sense of "release" afterward making them content. "People think it should be this over-the-top, 'lights out' event, but it may be something as benign as, 'Oh, that felt good,'" says Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D, reported Self.
Busted: One of the most commonly perpetuated facts about women's sexual pleasure is that women have multiple orgasms during the act. However, research published in the NY Times suggests that only about 15% of women actually experience numerous orgasms every time when engaging in intercourse.
Busted: While orgasms can give you intense pleasure, it's not always the most important thing. The foreplay, the partner, the environment, all of these factors can make the experience pleasurable, relaxing and can even help you bond with your partner. Sometimes even laughing during intercourse can help create intimate memories to reminisce about later.
Knowing that these myths are just that can help you and your partner continue to learn new things about each other when it comes to what triggers an orgasm. However, if you don't experience it at all, despite stimulation, it might be best to visit a doctor to check if you have a condition called anorgasmia (inability to orgasm) or something more serious.