It's easy to feel the change within you when it comes to your relationship and partner. But how can you be sure?
Editor's note: This article was originally published on November 18, 2022. It has since been updated.
It's that feeling, the one that doesn't go away. The one that is telling you that something is just not right, even if life with your partner seems to be going normally. It feels like your relationship is just moving along, with no one actually participating in it. Where before you could finish each other's sentences and figure out their emotions, now you can't read anything about them. They're shutting you out and you don't know what to do. And you know they're doing it when they start saying these seven things more often:
Everyone needs some alone time to gather their thoughts and just check into themselves, even if they are in a relationship. But when you are hearing this phrase too frequently from your partner despite giving them their space, then it's a sign that they're trying to avoid you. They're emotionally and physically detaching themselves from the relationship and you can see that they're starting to fall back on the commitments they promised to you.
Communication is essential in a relationship. Being able to talk about your issues with your partner is needed for it to be solved. However, you find that the moment you try to tell them about your feelings or talk about some problems, they shut you down. You might be willing to fight and bend over backward to fix your relationship, but if that same effort isn't made by them, then you'll find yourself tiring out. There's only so much you can do when they refuse to meet you halfway.
Being in a relationship isn't always the smoothest and that's fine. It's normal for your partner to express their exhaustion, especially if there are a ton of stressors in their life. But the moment you get the feeling that it's more of an excuse than the truth, it indicates that they are allowing the bond between you to weaken. "There really is no excuse if your partner does this more times than actually listen and give you their full attention," relationship coaches Diana and Todd Mitchem told Bustle. "If they cared and made your relationship a priority, they would make time for you."
It's not fair when your partner off-handedly dismisses your concerns and feelings, especially on the heels of them emotionally disconnecting from you. When they can see their apathy is hurting you but doesn't do anything about it, they're essentially keeping you on tenterhooks in the relationship. They give you just enough to show that they don't want the relationship to end, but not enough to make you actually feel loved the way you deserve to be.
Sitting across you at the table, you can't help but wonder if they're going to make the effort to find out how you are and what is happening in your life. Even when you take the initiative to rekindle the fire in your relationship, they reply with "can we do it some other time?" or "not today." Yet, their "other time" never comes. It's a sign that they're slowly moving away from the bond you both forged.
If your partner truly cared about the relationship, they would take it upon themselves to make your needs and problems theirs, because they know you would do the same for them. But now, whenever you ask them for help, they tell you to work it out on your own. It indicates that you can't lean on or trust them for support. This callous and unfeeling reaction to your difficulties can make you feel vulnerable and lonely in the relationship.
Your partner is supposed to prioritize you and share their life with you, but they always shy away from it. They have an excuse for everything and you just hate feeling so dejected and needy when you're not. "They [don't] integrate you into their daily life or talk to you about their day or integrate you into their life in general," licensed clinical social worker Dr. Danielle Forshee told Elite Daily.
You aren't meant to be just an option or an afterthought to your partner. You deserve more and if your emotional and physical needs are being fulfilled for more than just the sake of it, then this relationship isn't something you'd want to put up with for much longer.
"Sometimes we need to give a deadline to a potential long term partner," counselor Suzanne Degges-White said, according to Psychology Today. "And while you need to be flexible just to accommodate real world issues that might arise, if a partner can't agree to a reasonable timeline for the relationship to kick it up to the next level, it might be better to end it completely rather than leaving it in idle long term."
This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.