Everyone deserves a fulfilling partnership. So, if you keep falling for men who are "just not right", it is time to find out why.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on August 3, 2020. It has since been updated.
As a strong woman, you make your own decisions, take care of your self and those around you and don't rely on anyone. You're confident, smart and beautiful, inside and outside, and you know it. You probably never felt the need to have a shoulder from anyone else to support you or you learned to do everything yourself because there was nobody to give you any support. Either way, you're self-sufficient now. But you would like to have a good partner and a fulfilling relationship. Somehow, despite being so smart and confident, you pick the wrong guy every time.
When it comes to dating, the same things that make you amazing might be stopping you from finding the right man. You want your man to be by your side, but there seems to be no one worthy. You probably haven't encountered anyone who fulfills your emotional needs. Don't despair. Once you recognize the reasons why you keep attracting the wrong men, half the battle is won.
Here are seven reasons you could be attracting the wrong men:
Everyone tends to go for that which is familiar and if what is familiar to you is a person with issues you have to move out of your comfort zone and pick people who are more grounded and whole.
If you keep picking men with issues, they can't be an equal partner for you because they will lean on you more than the two of you leaning on each other. If you're picking up the tab on dates or paying his bills while he keeps making excuses, have a hard talk with the man and move on to better pastures.
You have your life sorted and want others to have the same comfort so you provide emotional and financial help without expecting anything in return. In a relationship, it is about mutual respect and trust. It is not transactional but you should expect your partner to do as much for you, if not more, as you do for them. Break the cycle of being the only giving person in the relationship for a partnership between equals.
You may be attracting men who are commitment-phobe because you too may not be ready for it, and you probably don't even realize it. If you expect the relationship to not last and are waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time, then you are prepared for the relationship to not work out. And, this happens to you either because you don't want to be with that person or because you can't be with anyone for too long. However, if you've lately found yourself wanting a long-term commitment, make sure you don't settle for anything lesser.
You don't think that strong men will be attracted to you. Therefore, you go just accept whoever is out there and even slightly good instead of waiting for the right person. You have been let down before and you're out of patience when looking for a companion.
You probably think that there is no right person waiting for you out there, but that is just a belief based on previous experience, which is not true. There are good and kind men in this world and you just need to open your eyes to see if you missed someone right in front of you because of older notions.
You think that people will always fail you so you have become completely self-reliant. You're a survivor and your own savior but everybody, strong or not needs someone to rely on, someone to share their life with. All you need to do is wait for the person who would understand and love all of you. They will not try to mould you to their hopes and desires, you will actually share those and create new ones that are mutual.
You know how to judge people but you like them despite their flaws. You see the potential and can predict who they can be. You want them to realize their potential but people can't always see in themselves what others see. There is always something people don't know about themselves that others know. The men you choose could be very bad with understanding themselves and thus they don't know or see what you can see.
They could have insecurities of their own which stop them from seeing the successful path ahead and there is no reason for you to be a guiding light to such people. It's not your job.
There is a chance that you don't know yourself entirely, which is understandable. It's a process. Humans change and so do their priorities. You don't want the same things in your 40s that you wanted in your 20s or 30s. You probably don't want the same partner you had a long relationship with when you were less experienced. With age, you have different needs and it might be taking time for you to realize what yours are.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.
