There are just certain kinds of relationships that can eat away at your heart and happiness and leave you broken inside.
There are some relationships that make you feel like your soul is full and content. Those partners show they respect you, appreciate you, care for your needs, emotionally connect with you and love you just as you are, the way you do them. But then there are some relationships that nearly break you. These are the ones where your partner finds new ways to exert power over you and make you feel like a shell of yourself. It leaves you with a soul that is broken and exhausted:
This is the one where your partner might be kind and considerate towards you, but never reciprocates your feelings. They don't share in your joy, excitement, or sadness. They don't make the effort to find out what your fears and insecurities are and don't share any part of their own self with you. It's almost like being with a stranger despite sharing your life and home with them.
No one should even have to question their self-worth but when you were with them, you started to wonder if you were even worth anything at all. They made you believe that your faults were sins and your quirks were undesirable. They made you think that your opinions were stupid or wrong. In the end, you wondered if you were really the strong, intelligent and bold woman you grew up to be. You wondered whether anyone else would ever love you, whether you were even worth that emotion.
For every fault they made, they found a way to make it seem like you were to blame. Though at first, you might have known that you were not in the wrong, they twisted your words and intentions to make it look like you were. They told you that you were "overreacting" or that they were informing you of your faults "for your own good". You didn't know what was real anymore. "Was it really my fault?" was the question that ate you up.
You don't open up to just about anyone but when you do, you place a lot of trust in your partner. Only, they use your pain and insecurities against you. For every time that you wanted to refuse to cater to their unrealistic demands of you, they emotionally manipulated you by making you believe that you were the only one who could help them. Or they used your kindness to get what they wanted, regardless of how it hurt you.
In their eyes, they were the only ones that mattered. Looking back, they were only nice to you when they wanted something. They didn't care about your feelings and dismissed your pain as if it was inconsequential. But when it came to controlling you, they were experts. They withdrew their love if you didn't cater to their needs but showered you with affection if you did. It didn't matter whether you were comfortable with it or not. They loved the power and would do anything to stay that way.
It burned you every time they compared you to someone else. You were never "smart" enough or "beautiful" enough for them. When they kept telling you about how you were never as good as someone else, slowly you started to believe it. As a result, you tried to model their ideal woman. But it was still not enough for them and their constant comparisons made you feel inadequate and that no one would ever love you the way they did.
You poured all your love and trust into the relationship because you believed it was worth it. And you didn't mind investing yourself in them. Until you realized they weren't reciprocating. They knew you'd have their back but when it came time for them to be there for you, they were missing. Always there were some excuses. It's like they just didn't care and only wanted someone to make their life easier. It didn't matter who that person was.
If you were in any of these relationships, you know how much it broke you emotionally. When you've been treated so badly, it's no surprise you became numb to it. It was the only way to protect yourself from getting hurt again. And now, you might wonder if it is worth even looking for someone. Well, it is. Because there will be one person who will treat you right, who will let you be you and love you for it, and who will treat you as equal. You deserve that love. You deserve to be happy.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.
