Last year, I learnt a lot about myself and now, I want to make some promises... to myself. I want to teach myself that I am more than what others make me out to be.
What a rollercoaster ride 2019 had been. It'd been filled with moments of joy, pain, heartbreaks, hate, anger and, love. But if there is anything I truly want to do as this new year sets in, is make a few promises to myself.
I want to promise myself that I will never fall into that trap again where I let myself believe that I deserved less than anyone else. Looking back, I know that I am worth so much more. I know I deserve better.
I want to promise myself that I will not stay in situations that are not good for me. It's time for me to move on from those toxic relationships and environments that sought to break me physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually.
I want to promise myself that I won't hide my true feelings and constantly bottle up my pain. Every night that I cried myself to sleep and then woke up the next morning as if nothing was wrong, I shouldn't have done that to myself. My feelings hold value too.
I want to promise myself that I will be honest to me and not care about what others think of me. I worked hard to create my personality and identity. I can't allow anyone else to break me down like that and from next year onwards, I won't.
I want to promise myself that I won't let others walk all over me just because I want their love. Love shouldn't have to be about expecting something from someone. Love is unconditional and I won't give anyone the opportunity to use me like that. Because when I love, I do so with my whole heart and I won't settle for less.
I want to promise myself that next year will be better and that I will take care of myself. I will still love my friends and family, but I won't drop everything to do things for them at the risk of my own happiness and health. This time, I will not put my health at the bottom of the priority list. I will take that time off to recharge and find my soul again.
I want to promise myself that I will live in the moment. The days of overthinking are truly in the past and I want to enjoy this life I was given.
To the 2019 me, I apologize for not taking better care of you. I'm sorry that I let your beauty, your love, your kindness, and your strength go unappreciated. I am sorry for all the hurt you had to experience and for the fact that I could have helped you avoid it.
But the new year is here and I promise to do better.
To the 2020 me, I'm excited to be with you. I see a bright future, a strong woman and a generous heart. I see someone who can take all the lemons life throws at her and make something amazing of it. And you deserve to be happy and loved for who you are. All the kindness and beauty you showed others selflessly will come back to you in the most spectacular way. But most of all, I love you.
