Mom-of-1 Debra Messing Talks About the Pros and Cons of Having Only One Child and Why She Chose Not to Have More Kids

Mom-of-1 Debra Messing Talks About the Pros and Cons of Having Only One Child and Why She Chose Not to Have More Kids

Debra Messing and her ex-husband Daniel Zelman were married from 2000 to 2016. They share one son, Roman, 15.

There are many women who may have felt pressured to have multiple kids, even if they wanted a small family. But, having a single child isn't all that bad either. Your child can have the attention of both parents and when you're a working parent, it's a lot easier. There are many celebrities who have only one child, and Debra Messing is one of them.

The 52-year-old Will & Grace actress, who is a mom to Roman Walker Zelman, 15, loves being a mom of one. "What I love about having one is ... dealing with pickups at school and after-school activities while you’re also a working woman, it is easier with one child versus many children," she said, while acknowledging that there are downsides like having no siblings. "That is something I have often regretted," she revealed to Parents magazine. "But I feel like this is the family I have, and I embrace it and love it and know that there are pros and cons no matter what configuration your family has."


She also realized her own limitations when it came to having more kids. "I think that there are certain women who are built to be able to have five, six children and are able to multitask and handle the sort of innate chaos of having lots and lots of kids," she said. "I know myself, and I'm not built that way."

She shares her son with her ex-husband, Daniel Zelman. She and Zelman were married from 2000 to 2016. She welcomed her son when she was 35, an age at which many women feel pressured to get pregnant. "I gave birth in my 30s, all of my friends gave birth in their 30s, and it's not a crazy idea to think you can wait until you're in your 30s to give birth," the actress said. She also offered a word of advice to other women in their 30s, waiting to have children.


"I think [that] is a beautiful age and a great time in your life, and you will know when it feels right to you. And P.S.: It's no one's business. That's the bottom line. People like to give advice about procreating, and it's a very private, intimate thing, and you don’t owe anybody an explanation," she said, adding, "And if people are stressing you out, you can say to them, 'I’ve got it covered, thank you for the concern.'"


She also supports those who want to freeze their eggs. "That is something that was not really common when I was considering having children, but now I know several women who have done that, and it has taken all the pressure off," Messing shared. "I think if it's causing distressing, worrying about it, that's one consideration, and obviously, there's adoption and many different ways you can become a mother," she added.


As a working mom, she's still made sure to have a great bond with her son, and she does that by bringing him to work, or with him joining her on the red carpet and on holidays. He is also aware that his mom is a celebrity, just like his dad. "When he first became aware, I think it was actually The Starter Wife … was the first time that he really became aware that Mom was a little different than some other moms because he saw me on a bus. He asked me, ‘Mommy, why are you on a bus?’ And I explained to him that that’s just part of my job," she told Us Weekly.


"Roman’s dad is also a creative person, a writer, director and producer, so [Roman] has spent years on sets with his father as well. I don’t think he thinks that I’m particularly cool. And it’s exactly how I wanted it to be," she added.

She also addressed one of the biggest reasons why women feel guilty when they are working moms. "I think that there is an internal part of us that says, ‘I need and want to be with my child all the time,’ but that’s just not the reality of our lives or our culture anymore," she said, adding, "Most people I know have both parents working full time." She adds that "it's a fact of life" that she needs to work. "I also understand that doing the creative work that I do fulfills me in a way that nothing else can. I believe that I’m able to be a better mother as a result," she added.


The way she manages to raise her son seamlessly is because of her "coparent and friend," her ex-husband. "I make choices that allow me to be very active and present with my son and because his father and I are so close, we are able to support one another. If one person has to go away for work, the other person is there so that there’s always a parent with him. It’s always consistent for him," she added.




Cover image source: Getty Images | Photo by (L)Kevin Winter (R)Charley Gallay

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