It's not about the physical attraction for you. What you look for in a relationship is an emotional connection that brings two souls together.
Feelings can be confusing, emotions can go all over the place, and love is something humans will rarely understand completely. Every time somebody told you about their ‘love at first sight’ experience, you were left wondering ‘how does that even work?’ You scratch your head in confusion when your friend tells you about the guy she met on a dating app but has never had a real conversation with. Welcome to the world of demisexuality. Most people don’t know much about this kind of orientation, but it’s when an individual only feels sexual attraction to someone after they have struck an emotional bond with the person. This could be why you felt intimate attraction far too less when compared to your friends.
Sometimes, demisexuals might have very little interest or no interest at all in being sexually active, according to demisexuality.org. The most important thing you look for is emotional intimacy, which is why you only feel attracted to someone after you become their close friend or romantic partner. This is different from choosing not to have intercourse before becoming intimate with someone. Demisexuals do not experience sexual attraction, as www.asexuality.org says, “…a small minority of people simply do not feel any general sexual attraction towards anyone until a close bond is formed. An increasing number of people who experience that are identifying as 'demisexual.' Demisexual people are often connected to the asexual community due to similar experiences to asexuals, and are typically included under the ace umbrella.”
So here are some of the signs that could point towards your demisexuality:
People might have called you extremely nit-picky when it comes to a relationship. But the truth is you don’t walk around with an idea of Mr. Perfect and waiting for someone to match the description. You look for a real strong connection before you can feel romantic with the same person. And if anyone in the past has ever told you that you’re scared of commitment, that’s not true either. You love commitment, but only when you are completely sure of the person you are committing to. After you and the person spend significant time getting close to each other, you are ever-ready to make things official and share a romantic relationship with them.
Not only do you feel like ‘love at first sight’ does not exist, but you also can’t wrap your head around the idea of one night stands. When your friends tell you about a guy they met at the bar and the rest was history, you feel utterly puzzled and sometimes grossed out by the idea. The thought of people getting physically intimate without even knowing each other or without feeling any emotion between them is something you still haven’t understood. Emotional intimacy is a prerequisite for you before the idea of physical intimacy even begins to cross your mind.
It’s not about being old-fashioned, but you take the saying "Don’t just a book by its cover" quite seriously. When you meet someone for the first time, it’s not their looks or anything about their physical appearance that catches your eye. Your attention instantly goes to what they have to say. You make way for a wonderful friendship to bloom without even the thought of attraction crossing your mind. Often, you find that after building a strong connection with your friend, you feel extremely comfortable and intimate with them. And this might make room for you to feel a physical attraction towards the person.
Of course, the topic of intimacy would have popped up at some point in time in the past with your friends. And you realized that you just don’t share the same ideas they do. When they talk about how physical attraction is so important for them to have a happy, healthy relationship, you have the complete opposite idea of a happy, healthy relationship. But that’s not all; when you finally find someone who is on the same emotional level as you are, your relationship is not defined by being physical or not being physical with each other. What keeps the relationship going for you is the inspiring conversations and the bond that ties you two together so strongly.
Adult movies are definitely not your thing, especially when you know that they lack emotional intimacy or any kind of real connection. When there is no meaningful bond between the two people, you can’t seem to understand how physical attraction can come into the picture at all.
When you meet someone for the first time, hitting it off with them is not your first priority. For you, it’s getting to know the person for who they really are. This doesn’t push you to flirt with them or create physical tension. You don’t understand how lust works, you only understand love. So you might be genuinely interested in what someone has to say, rather than trying to twist the conversation into leading somewhere else. You are not there to be whisked away, if you find someone flirting with you, sometimes you friend-zone them because you know that you’re after a profound, deep, emotional connection.
Feeling the attraction doesn’t come easily for you and you are fully aware of it. Earlier you might have thought that you were wired wrong when you couldn’t feel butterflies the same way your friends did. But eventually, you realized that you are looking for something more meaningful, a person who stimulates your thoughts and makes the effort to understand you beyond the superficial level. When someone takes the effort to know you inside out, that’s the first thing you look for. And once you feel that intense emotion bringing the two of you together again and again, then you know that the person is right for you and you let yourself fall wholeheartedly into everything that comes with being romantic with the person.