The emotional turmoil of being in a bad marriage and then ending it left Diana fearing rejections because of the "baggage" she carried along with her.
Diana, Princess of Wales, had never imagined that her life would be a roller coaster ride full of betrayals, false hopes, and emotional turmoils. The world saw a fairytale unfold as Princess Diana tied the knot with Prince Charles. Little did she know that the British Royal Family had numerous hidden secrets behind its huge, beautiful walls. The world's beloved princess had no idea what she was walking into.
Her marriage with Prince Charles had not been the way she had imagined it. They had only met 13 times in person before the announcement of their grand wedding. She was shoved into the spotlight even before the two officiated their union. The age gap, her overwhelming introduction to fame and media, isolation from her own family, and Prince Charles's very public affair with Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, all got to her as the years went by within the palace gates.
In a documentary titled Diana in her Own Words, she admitted that by the time the two separated in 1992, she doubted anyone would ever want to date her, reported Cheat Sheet. Jennie Bond, a former BBC royal correspondent, revealed that the Princess feared that she would never find her one true love. "I said to her ‘Diana, you are going to have men beating a path to your door’, and she said ‘I won’t, I won’t, who would take me with all the baggage I come with?'"
To the world, she was this charming princess, whose kindness made a difference to friends and strangers alike. There were world leaders, actors, musicians, and pop stars who were completely enamored by her gorgeous face and free spirit. Yet behind that beautiful smile, was a lonely heart that longed for true love.
There were cracks in the royal couple's relationship even before their first royal tour overseas. In another documentary Princess Diana's Evil Stepmother, Penny Junor, the royal biographer revealed, "[Princess Diana] was just bitterly unhappy, she was disappointed in her marriage as was Charles it was a car crash from the very beginning,” she explained. "When Charles and Diana got together it seemed on paper that this was the most perfect match, but Diana’s childhood had been very difficult and the happy jolly-go-lucky venire that she presented to the world was nothing more than a venire. Charles was a very complex character and the two of them were about the worst match you could possibly have made.”
By the time Prince Harry was born in 1994, Princess Diana was well aware that her royal companionship with Prince Charles had come to an end. According to Cheat Sheet, Princess Diana was in search of a quiet life, away from the media which had exposed her entire life as a soap opera.
At the benefit lunch for Headway National Injuries Association in 1993, she said, "Over the next few months, I will be seeking a more suitable way of combining a meaningful public role with, hopefully, a more private life.” Once the divorce was finalized, she rejected her security team as she decided to use police protection only during public events.
Paul Burrell, her butler and confidante, told the Sun UK, "I could see the cracks in the marriage getting wider and wider. Diana confided in me that on the night Harry was born, she cried herself to sleep." She said, 'I knew my marriage was over.'" Burrell also revealed that Charles had also told Diana that his "duty" as a husband was over after Harry's birth.
Jennie Bond, 69, and the Princess had a very special friendship. The two bonded over their kids and motherhood, despite Bond's job with BBC. According to Yahoo Life, Bond revealed in the documentary that Diana wasn't in favor of the divorce and had hopes of mending it. She said, “Diana was pretty unsettled with the divorce, she didn't want the divorce, she told me, ‘It's not something I want’. I think she felt somehow they could continue as separated but partners and parents to the two boys. I think she really did try to make it work or wanted it to work.”
In 1997, Diana had revealed to the New Yorker that she always thought that she and Prince Charles would be a good team. “We would have been the best team in the world. I could shake hands till the cows come home. And Charles could make serious speeches," she said and continued, " But it was not to be.” The shy 19YO who went on to become the People's Princess transformed herself in the decade she spent as a royal. She grew to be one of the most iconic women of all time. Yet, she was as human and real as any other woman in a loveless marriage.
Bond further revealed that the final days of the divorce were really hard on the Princess. "She found the day of the divorce extremely hard. She did go out, she was seen in public, and she was hurting badly. She told me that it was an extremely difficult day, but she went home and burst into tears.” While she never missed any public events or charity shows, she also handled some of the hardest days with grace and power. According to the book Diana: Her True story, she spoke about Charles and said, "My husband made me feel so inadequate in every possible way, that every time I came up for air he pushed me down again."
Although Diana's tender heart was broken, she found ways to bounce back, which led her to become more true to her authentic self. The day Charles revealed to the public that she had cheated on Diana with Camilla, Charles may have expected to be the headlines in every newspaper. But, no. Diana ruled the scene and was on every newspaper and magazine as she greeted people in a gorgeous black dress, which was famously labeled as the "revenge dress." She fell back on her own strength to come back stronger and kinder.
After decades of yearning for love since her childhood, she did find love later with Dodi Fayad. But her freedom and newfound happiness didn't last for too long. Diana and Dodi Fayad were killed in a car accident in Paris in August 1997. The world lost a beautiful soul and powerful duo. Although she never became the queen of UK, she went on to become the Queen of Hearts forever.
References:
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/3028410/paul-burrell-princess-diana-butler-royal-lorraine/
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1997/09/15/a-woman-in-earnest
