Married for Over 13 Years, 'Grey's Anatomy' Actor Ellen Pompeo Has Learnt the Golden Rule for a Happy Relationship

She knows the strengths and weaknesses of her partner and works around it, instead of asking him to change.

Source: Getty Images | Photo by Frederick M. Brown / Stringer

By Asmita S

June 27, 2023

Posted June 27, 2023

Editor's Note: This story was originally published on September 13, 2019. It has since been updated.

Ellen Pompeo keeps her personal life out of the limelight and lets her work do the talking instead.

The actress, who earns $20 million per year, has been married to Bostonite music producer Chris Ivery since 2007 and they have three children together.

Even when they met in 2003, the couple loved to keep their life low-key. In a 2006 interview with PEOPLE, she described one of her great days with her then-boyfriend, now husband. It included walking on the beach, coming home, taking a shower, and going out for a sushi dinner. "Then we laid on the couch with the dogs and watched TV," she said.

The couple met in Los Angeles through friends but did not start dating right away. “We were friends for six months; then one night she just looked different to me,” said Chris. They grew up minutes apart in Boston but never met until 2003. “We were six degrees our whole lives, so I feel like we were sort of meant to be,” the Grey's Anatomy actress said.

And, that is exactly what they did in 2007. They married at New York City Hall and not a single wedding guest was invited. Their wedding was officiated by Mayor Michael Bloomberg and there was one witness, First Deputy Mayor Patricia Harris. After that, they had the whole "weekend and no one knew." "So, we had that to ourselves," Ellen told Ryan Seacrest and Kelly Ripa.

She has come a long way since then and the couple is parents to Stella Luna, born 2009, Sienna May, born 2014, and Eli Christopher, born 2016. And her Instagram bio is proof of how much fun she has with motherhood. She describes herself as "Personal Assistant to Stella Luna, Sienna May and Eli Christopher."

After 13 years together, she has learned a thing or two about marriage and doesn't shy away from sharing it. She told Us Weekly's podcast In Case You Missed Us that the foundation of their marriage was in accepting each other. "Just don't try to change people," she said. "They are who they are, and they were fine when you married them, so don't expect them to change."

With Ellen being the more successful one in showbiz, some issues could have come up since a lot of men are intimidated by powerful women. However, she told PEOPLE magazine, "My husband is not at all intimidated by my drive, or my bossiness. I never thought I’d be at the height of my career at 48 years old. I’m at the top of my game, with no end in sight.” She thinks it's important to have men on board when a woman wants to be successful.

She is also open about their communication style at home, which is complete honesty. “I have a tendency to be a little bit bossy just because I’m juggling so many things,” she said. “He’s really good about letting me know when I’m talking to him like an employee. Occasionally, I get told ‘I don’t work for you, don’t speak to me like that,’ which is okay. I need to hear it if I’m not coming correct.”

Over the years, she has also realized where Chris's strong and weak points lie. “My husband can’t multitask,” she said. “That’s why I have an assistant, two nannies, and two housekeepers. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford all this stuff. I don’t ask him to do it because he’d have a f—— meltdown. The poor guy can only handle so much," she added.

Ellen is of the opinion that men are not built the same way. "We can’t expect them to be built like us, they’re not,” she said. “You know that book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? I think that is the most accurate depiction that’s ever been published," she added.