If you find yourself citing excuses to stay away from physical intimacy, it can help to explore the underlying causes of it.
Physical intimacy is important for everyone but it can mean different things to different people. For some, it's important for them to feel connected to their partner and for others, it can be a fun and casual thing. However, it can also be a source of fear for many others. The fears may not be easy to identify and could leave us feeling inhibited in the bedroom.
It might help to figure out why you may or may not be having intercourse. It's possible that you hide it behind excuses like you're too tired, low libido, or an all-consuming job and busy lifestyle. However, there can be underlying reasons why you have these thoughts when it comes to physical intimacy. It would be worth your while to understand what the hiccups are so you can enjoy a satisfying relationship with your self and your partner.
Here are some fears that could be stopping you from enjoying intercourse completely:
Many women struggle with body image issues. Even when it's mild, we could be feeling ashamed of our body or might be self-conscious. These fears can cause anxiety and impact satisfaction in the bedroom. In severe cases, people might be suffering from body dysmorphia, which makes them see their bodies as deeply flawed even though it looks normal to others. This could trigger anxiety and the person could be avoiding physical intimacy completely since they are not able to feel any pleasure, according to Healthline. However, our partner is likely just happy to see us in all our glory and won't be focussing on what we think are flaws. When there is true respect and love between partners, they won't care about your body having perfect statistics.
For some people, their bodily functions are a matter of shame generally and if it happens during their time between the sheets, it can lead to embarrassment. For instance, imagine being in the middle of intercourse when you let one rip. It could feel humiliating and you might want to hide, but your partner is a human being who goes through these as well. We can't always control what our bodies do and it's no use being ashamed of what we can't control. Try not to let it come between some adult fun. "There’s going to be any number of things that happen—noises, emissions from your body, liquids—but you just have to laugh it off and keep going," Emily Morse, a sex and relationship expert, told Health.com.
Many of us think that physical intimacy without an orgasm is a failed session. While that's not true, it's also uncommon for women to climax with only penetrative intercourse. A 2017 study published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that almost 37% of American women required clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. Only 18% of women reported that vaginal stimulation alone was enough for a climax. So, while we might be afraid that our bodies won't react to our man's touch, you're not alone in that. From hands to tongues to vibrators, all of these can improve this situation.
Fears of not satisfying our partner can run deep in both men and women. This performance anxiety can stop us from enjoying our time between the sheets with our partner because we are stuck in our heads. Communication is important for both men and women. We need to know what our partners like and they need to know what works for us. Knowing each other's boundaries can help both partners have a good time instead of being stuck wondering if we are doing the right thing.
Whether it's emotional or physical pain, people fear it. Intercourse can be difficult for some women whose bodies just clench up. If that's the case, they could be suffering from vaginismus, a serious physical and psychological problem. It can make penetrative intercourse very painful for the woman. A therapist should be consulted if you're going through this female sexual dysfunction.
There is also fear of pain due to emotional reasons because not all those who want to get down and dirty with us want to be committed to us. Relationships are a messy business and sometimes it can leave our heartbroken. Past experiences and traumas can play a big role here. One way to rectify this would be to open up and have more conversations about it because you are not alone in this.