How Your Partner Reacts to Your Concerns About Him Can Say a Lot About Your Relationship

Editor’s note: This article was originally published on August 21, 2019. It has since been updated.

It's never easy to hear someone ask you to change something about yourself. Because you understand that feeling, you try not to do it with your partner but you can't help but share your concerns about him with him. After all, you've both grown together in this relationship and by now, you might feel that you can be open and honest with him. Not to mention, you just want what's best for him. But the way he reacts to those concerns can actually say a lot about your relationship. 

1. He immediately gets defensive and starts an argument

When you bring up a concern you have about him and he suddenly gets defensive and argumentative, it's a sign that your relationship with him may not be as solid as you think it is. His defensiveness might be born out of insecurity and doubt which he is unable to share with you. If you've been together for a long time and he hasn't been open with you about his feelings, you might need to sit him down and create a safe space so that he can speak to you about his worries. Slowly, he might stop becoming defensive and realize that you truly care. 

2. He listens to you quietly but gives you cold shoulder for the rest of the day 

Even though he might listen to you when you tell him what's bothering you about him, his cold shoulder speaks volumes about what he truly feels. Though he cares for you, he might not have the courage to face his own weaknesses, and rather than tell you about it, he shuts you out. It's an indication that he may not feel completely safe in the relationship and is worried that you might judge him, if you haven't already. You might need to show him that he can truly trust you with his vulnerabilities and this can give him the chance to open up about his emotions. 

3. He immediately starts listing out your faults and makes it all about you

When you attempt to give constructive criticism and he immediately points a finger at you to list out your faults, it's an indication that he doesn't see you as an equal or trust you. Unable to accept that you are not okay with something about him, he feels like the only way to get the attention off of him is by making it about you and talking about everything that is wrong with you. This can lead to major misunderstanding which can cause the relationship to deteriorate. This might mean you will have to take a step back and think up a way to convey to him that you're only doing it because you care. 

4. He hears you out and thinks it through before he comes up with a solution for the situation

When he actually listens to you and does his best to figure out a solution that benefits both of you, then you can be assured that the bond between you two is what has kept your relationship strong. He sees and respects you as an equal while remembering that he too has his own individuality to maintain. His attempts to follow through with his promises shows that he truly cares about the relationship and is as invested in it as you are. He understands that both of you have needs to be fulfilled and makes the effort to keep the peace in the house. 

5. He agrees with you partly and tries to change but it isn't easy for him 

If your partner agrees with you on certain points about your concerns and tries to change, it's a sign that he values the bond he has with you. He understands where you are coming from and tries to change, but it isn't always easy for him. After all, some of his habits have been there since before he got into the relationship with you and as they say, "old habits die hard". But knowing that a relationship takes a certain amount of compromise and that he respects you as a partner, he does his best to change even if it's really hard for him.

Disclaimer: This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.