My identity as a mother and wife cannot change one undeniable truth... that I am also a woman before anything else.
"Honey, is dinner ready? I'm hungry and exhausted."
"Mom, I can't find my socks!"
"Can you take the kids to their classes? I have a meeting."
"Mom, I need you to help me with my project. It's due tomorrow."
"Listen, I'm going out for a drink with the guys. I'll be out late. Can you sort out the groceries?"
"Mom! I need to go shopping. Come with me."
"Honey", "mom", "honey", "mom". It's a never-ending battle to handle everything at once. If I'm not catering to the wishes of my husband, I'm with the kids doing something for them. All of this compounded with all the errands I have to run for the house or tasks I have to complete for my job. I don't even remember the last time I took some time for myself.
Between cooking meals to getting to work to handling the children to spending time with the hubby, I'm not surprised that by the time I wake up again, I don't feel like I even slept. And I'm tired. Not just physically, but mentally too. There's only so much even I can do.
The worst is when people come up to me to ask about my husband and kids but aren't as bothered about how I am. It's taken for granted that I handle of so much that I can continue to do it without a break.
But I think it's time to remind everyone, especially myself that I may be a mother and a wife, but I am a woman first. Just because I can take on so many tasks at once doesn't mean that I can do it all the time. I too need the space to be by myself, unburdened by responsibilities. I know self-care is important and until now, I have never needed it more.
Before I collapse from the mental and emotional exhaustion, I want to go out on my own and be the woman I was before marriage and kids took priority.
I want to be able to talk to someone openly about the pressure I face not just at home, but at work too.
I want to be able to tell people that my career is going great without being judged for not loving my family enough.
I want my husband to help me deal with obstacles together, not just believe that I can handle them on my own.
I want my children to learn how to be independent so that they don't depend on me for everything. It would make me the proudest mother.
I want to be able to meet the friends who stuck by me through thick and thin just for the heck of it.
I want to go back to the time when my husband and I actually used to talk about things other than mortgage and bills and school fees, before we set into this far too comfortable routine.
I want to be able to sit on my favorite chair with a cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other without someone calling out to me in five minutes to help with errands.
I want my husband to put in the effort to make me feel loved and not like the hot mess I am close to becoming.
I want to be able to say no when I feel like it... whether it's to my family or friends and not feel guilty about it.
But most of all, I want to feel less like a robot ready to explode and more like the woman I used to be. The woman who was confident, full of energy, and able to withstand any obstacle on her own. I want to feel like myself again.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.
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