I love myself enough to be alone with my dignity than suffocate in a relationship that takes my self respect away.
I've lost count of the number of times I was left alone to clean up someone else's mess. I've tried to forget the people who promised to always be there and then let go of my hand when I most needed the support. But from all those painful experiences and broken promises, I now know what matters most to me—my self-respect and dignity.
I have realized that I am happier being alone by myself than being surrounded by people who don't value me. The time I spent with you where you barely looked at me or listened to me has taught me to value myself better. A few years ago, I would never have been able to say "no" to people. People would walk into my life and take advantage of my kindness. They would say one thing to me and then do the exact opposite behind my back. People like you made me doubt myself and damage my self-esteem. But I am done with that. You can't use me as your punching bag or an agony aunt. If you want to talk like two adults, let's have a conversation. I can't walk in your shadow until you clear your mess. Life is precious, and I am finally going to let the light within me burn brighter, and shine in the right places.
I see that the biggest turning point happened when my relationship with myself changed. I understood that being alone doesn't mean I'm lonely. Those precious moments I spend with myself have brought back the magic in my life. The happy moments seem happier, the little joys seem so much bigger, and the relationships in my life seem a lot more meaningful. I see that I have grown much, yet I am the simple girl who can laugh easily at the silliest of things. It is your need for control, emotional immaturity, and unwillingness to change, evolve, and connect that made me get angry and tough. That isn't who I am.
When I was younger, I used to think that being surrounded by lots of people or being the life of the party was what mattered. But eventually, I realized that even if I just have a handful of good people in my circle, they mean much more to me. Because those few are going to be the only ones who I can count on. They will stick around for the laughter and not be scared to hold me when I am in tears.
We all have different needs and that's okay. But if my priorities don't fit in your life, that's perfectly fine. I will find other places and other relationships where my needs are not ignored. I know that for a long time I wasted my energy for the wrong people. But I am now going to give my love to people who will give me the same in return. To the ones who give me their honesty, they get my trust in return. And above everything, I am going to give myself all the love and affection that I have been holding back from myself.
The thought of being alone isn't something that should haunt people. I would much rather be alone and have my dignity, instead of feeling suffocated in a relationship that takes my sacrifice my feelings.
To all the lovely people out there who were wrongly convinced that they always need people around them, remember that you can feel lonely even in a room full of people. You can feel lonely even when you're hanging onto the arm of someone else. But if that someone is the wrong person for you, or if that crowded room is filled with people who can't cherish you, then don't be afraid to end those relationships.
Turn inward and begin to be kind to yourself. Remember that despite all the heartbreaks you went through, you came out stronger and kinder. Get to know who you are and own it proudly. The right people will come around. Give your time to only those who value who you are, not just how you look or what you wear. You might think that people will never give you the same commitment that you give them. But the right people will. Until you find them, let your relationship with yourself bloom. Shower yourself with love and you will never regret it.