Every woman takes on the effort and burden of holding a relationship together. But many of them don't have the support of their partners.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on January 31, 2020. It has since been updated.
It's heartbreaking to watch women blame themselves for the demise of a relationship, especially when it's not even their fault. They love deeply, invest nearly every part of themselves in their partner, only to watch the latter hurt them and walk away unscathed. It's even sadder when others call them stupid for staying in a painful relationship, not realizing that it takes courage to make such a bond work. They end up taking responsibility for all their partner's mistakes and insecurities — that is not easy.
But I'm done. It took me a while to understand a few things about this relationship but I'm glad it was later rather than never. And here's what I learned:
For so long, I thought I was not good enough, but it was you who couldn't and wouldn't value me. You convinced me no one would ever love me the way you did, flaws and all. How wrong I was. I'm beautiful just as I am and I am proud of my flaws because it gives me the opportunity to grow. We should have been equals but you proved to me that you couldn't handle it.
You mistook my kindness as stupidity. I loved you with all my heart. I just wanted to make you happy and I would drop everything to be there for you. You knew that. And you took advantage of it. I let it pass because my love for you was unconditional. But your mistake was thinking that my generosity and love meant I was naive. My fault was not nipping this belief in the bud.
I look back and see an unhappy broken person. That is not who I really am. We were happy once upon a time. But after all the toxicity seeped into this relationship courtesy of you, I look at myself with you and all I see is a broken woman. That was never me. And I won't let anyone fool me into changing what makes me... me.
You projected your insecurity onto me and made me believe they were my own. All those fights we had where you blamed me for everything that went wrong, I realize now was on you. Instead, I started to think that I was really responsible for the failures in the relationship. Not anymore.
I thought I didn't deserve love, but it is you who doesn't deserve me. After all the gaslighting, love-bombing and blaming, I really thought I wasn't worth anyone's love. Now, I know it is you who don't deserve to have my love.
I want you to know I am happy and deserving every bit, and never do I want to be a part of your life again. I'm finally finding myself and even the memories of you won't stop me from being myself again.
As hard as it may be, deal with the demons that threaten to take you under. Because there is hope that we too can survive with the right help. You're not alone. You deserve to be happy as well.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.