Clarkson's hit number 'Because of You' sums up her relationship with her father and its painful aftermath.
For long, Kelly Clarkson has made us dig deep into our souls with the haunting lyrics of her songs. While we listen to her songs and get in touch with our own pain, let us spare a moment to think about the one who wrote it and the darkness she must have been going through to have elicited such poignant thoughts.
At the tender age of six, the What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger singer saw her parents separate and a family break. Her parents' messy divorce and father's abandonment led her to live with her mother while her older brother was sent off to her aunt's. Her mother then remarried and gave her a family of five step-brothers and step-sisters, Country Living reported.
During her estrangement from her father, the one thing she longed for is her father's love and acknowledgment. But her hopes and wishes came crumbling down when Stephen Clarkson refused to acknowledge her existence. She was shattered and felt "humiliated" by the nonchalance and arrogance of her own father towards her.
Fast forward to the time she was a teenager and started writing songs to express her emotions. The soon-to-be American Idol had started working on one of her most loved songs Because of You which remains to be the favorite of many to date. The lyrics of the song read, "Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in. Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it is empty. Because of you I am afraid."
This song is probably an ode to her life as an abandoned child from a broken home, who is too afraid to tread in the world now and trust people. In an interview with Skavlan, she even referred to her relationship with her dad as "toxic," and questioned whether he was even "capable [of love]."
An early abandonment and growing up amid complex relationships left a lasting impact on her. In fact, failing relationships led her to question if forever-love even exits. To make matters worse, she also saw her mother's second marriage fail. Therefore, she started losing her faith in love and relationships. "Divorce isn't fun," Clarkson told the Mirror. "It affects relationships you get into when you are older. I think you have to work a little harder because you're constantly thinking it's probably not going to work out in the end."
It wasn't until she met her husband Brandon Blackstock that she felt something shift in her heart and body. PEOPLE quoted her saying, “I honestly thought I was asexual — I’d never been turned on like that in my whole life.” But Brandon made sure he changed her in ways more than one and showed her the vivid meaning of feeling loved. She also revealed that it was Brandon who restored her faith in love and relationships and to whom she was attracted in an intimate manner.
“This isn’t a downer to anybody I dated before him, but I’m just going to be real: I never felt like, honestly, sexually attracted to anybody before him,” Clarkson confessed. “And I’m not downing my exes. You know, everybody’s different. But there was something about him.”
When she married him and they became parents, she knew she will be fine and so will her kids. "Watching my husband love on his daughter all the time you know, go to her events and just be there and, like, be present is hard to watch but beautiful to watch. I know that my kids are going to have that," she said in a 2016 radio interview with Ryan Seacrest, quoted Country Living.
She also gave a message to anyone listening by saying that one should wait for the right one, the one who could show you the true meaning of companionship. For her, it was Brandon who helped her move on from her troublesome past and embrace a new life. And we must also choose the one who truly chooses us, even if that means waiting a bit longer than others.
“It’s a hard thing to find that feeling,’ she said. “I always tell, ‘Wait it out. Wait until you get those goosebumps.’ Because if it’s not, it’s not worth it.”