“I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous," says Lady Gaga as she opened up about her past.
Trigger Warning: This story contains details of sexual abuse that may be disturbing to readers.
Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry are co-hosting a TV show called The Me You Can't See. The show by streaming platform Apple TV+ features discussions that focus on mental health and emotional well-being, while Oprah and Harry also open up about their health journeys, reports Express. All five episodes of the docuseries were released on Friday, May 21, and the first one featured a number of people, including pop star Lady Gaga.
The Grammy-Award winner spoke about how she was sexually assaulted by a music producer when she was just a teenager, according to the Independent. “I was 19 years old and I was working in the business and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,'” Gaga recalled, according to Free Press Journal. “I said no, and I left, and they told me they were gonna burn all my music. And they didn’t stop… they didn’t stop asking me and I just froze and I just… I don’t even remember.”
The Bad Romance singer broke down in tears, but she said she will never reveal the name of the man who did this to her. “I understand this #MeToo movement, I understand that some people feel really comfortable with this, and I do not,” she continued. “I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous.” Years later, the Paparazzi singer experienced a “total psychotic break” and was in an “ultra state of paranoia”, causing her to cancel numerous shows.
She soon realized it was PTSD from her sexual assault incident. “I [couldn’t] feel my own body,” she recalled. “First I felt full-on pain, then I felt numb, and then I was sick for weeks after. I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner [by] my parent’s house because I was vomiting and sick. Because I had been being abused, and I was locked away in a studio for months.”
"I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl. The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped. I've had so many MRIs and scans where they don't find nothing. But your body remembers," added Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta.
The artist spoke about coping with self-harm, cites Vulture. “Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad,” she says. “And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut. Think about dying. Wondering if I’m ever going to do it. I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it. What’s so interesting is the line I walk, feeling like I wanna cut myself and feeling like I don’t, are actually really close together.”
“Everybody thinks it’s gotta be a straight line, that it’s like every other virus, that you get sick and then you get cured. It’s not like that. It’s just not like that. And actually, I think that traps people,” said the singer.
“I don’t tell this story for my own self-service, because, to be honest, it’s hard to tell,” the singer explains. “I feel a lot of shame about it. How do I explain to people that I have privilege, I’ve got money, I’ve got power, and I’m miserable? How do you do that? I’m not here to tell my story to you because I want anybody to cry for me. I’m good. But open your heart up for somebody else. Because I’m telling you, I’ve been through it and people need help. So, that’s part of my healing, being able to talk to you.”
If you or someone you know shows signs of suicidal thoughts, please reach out to 1-800-273-8255 (NCPL) or suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
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