Sometimes, the only way to overcome pain is through acknowledging it and Lily Collins did just that.
The older we get the more we understand the decisions taken by our parents. While we may not be able to agree with them or even forgive them, we might still be able to perceive them the way they were meant to be. And with age, many of us might also realize that what our parents did was about themselves and not about us. Many times, children feel guilty over the actions of their parents, such as divorce, when it's not their fault at all. Many of us, also grow up with parents who didn't take our feelings into account when making certain choices. At the end of the day, there is not much we can do to change the past and we can only look forward to a better future.
Actress Lily Collins, 30, has made a name for herself in Hollywood thanks to her powerful performances. The daughter of musician Phil Collins, she's clearly carved out a space for herself in the industry. However, she's been through a lot of mental struggle because of her famous father, who married thrice. While there isn't much she can do about the kind of father he was to her, she can recognize the shortcomings and forgive him.
So, she wrote an open letter to Phil, 68, to do just that. The letter was published in her first book Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me. "I forgive you for not always being there when I needed and for not being the dad I expected," she said, according to the Daily Mail. "I forgive the mistakes you made. And although it may seem like it’s too late, it’s not. There’s still so much time to move forward. We all make choices and, although I don’t excuse some of yours, at the end of the day we can’t rewrite the past."
Lily's mother, Jill Tavelman, an antique dealer, was the second wife of the musician. When the Rules Don't Apply actress was five in 1994, her father divorced her mother and reportedly ended the marriage through fax. Then he moved to Switzerland for 20 years. She would see him only during school holidays.
The Golden Globe-nominated actress has spoken publicly about her difficult relationship with her father. In 2008, when she was a teenager, she struggled with anorexia and bulimia and she believes that her father's split from his third wife, Swiss translator Orianne Cevey, might have a connection to it. "I couldn’t handle the pain and confusion surrounding my dad’s divorce, and I was having a hard time balancing being a teenager with pursuing two different grown-up careers. Many of my deepest insecurities stem from these issues with my dad," she wrote in her book, according to Vanity Fair.
After suffering through such periods of confusion and pain, she's come to realize that forgiveness is the only way forward so she could be rid of her demons. "I’m learning how to accept your actions and vocalize how they made me feel. I accept and honor the sadness and anger I felt toward the things you did or didn’t do, did or didn’t give me," she concluded the open letter.
Their relationship has improved and she even took the step of wishing him on his 67th birthday. "Happy birthday dad! Thank you for inspiring me to be a creative spirit, to express myself boldly and bravely, and to stay determined and focused amongst the noise," Collins captioned the pic. "I love you to the moon and back again. You’ll always be one of the brightest stars in my sky. Sending a massive hug and kiss your way. Also, RIP to lil Lil’s blonde hair and butterfly clip. Gotta love the 90’s..." she said on Instagram.
References:
https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2017/03/lily-phil-collins-forgives-father-memoir
