Spotting the red flags at the beginning will save you from unwarranted mental and emotional agony later.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on March 19, 2020. It has since been updated.
When you love a person and want to be with them, you tend to neglect (sometimes consciously) certain factors that you know might cause emotional turmoil later. While on the outside, they seem like the perfect match for you, the neglected traits become the biggest hurdles and reasons for trauma. Many times, qualities that we consider suitable for a relationship might fail to recover it from the mutual discord caused by some not-so-prominent negative qualities.
Later in the relationship when you notice certain sudden behavioral changes causing disharmony between you two, you can't help but wonder, "How could I have missed these signs?" Therefore, it is important to look beyond the obvious and find out aspects that may become the reason for an ugly split. Here are 6 signs that can help you identify a wrong partner before starting a relationship with them.
Partners complaining about emotional unavailability of the other partner is not unheard of. When your partner does not have the emotional depth to understand your emotional turbulences or empathize with you it is indicative of their inability to give their all to the relationship. This does not mean that you try to change them, maybe that's how they are. But it is also important to be clear about your expectations from the relationship.
People with low emotional quotient will likely get irritated when asked to contribute fully to the relationship because they are not equipped to act or empathize according to other people's emotional requirements.
If they try to control your life, they are not the right ones for you. If making plans with your friends and expecting your "me time" angers them, they will not let you have an identity of your own later on in the relationship. Not just that, having to disclose every little detail of your life to them is giving them too much authority over you.
While this may come across as a caring behavior initially, later, it can overwhelm you. Not only will they try to control you, with the passage of time, it might also turn into psychological abuse.
At some point in our lives, we need to understand that life is not a fairy tale. There is a lot of work and dedication that goes into making a relationship healthy and functional. If the person you like cannot come to terms with who you are as a person or get rid of the idea of a perfect partner, they will find flaws in you all the time. They will also try to gaslight you, which will eventually leave you emotionally broken and feeling worthless.
Do you ever feel that while your partner goes through a meltdown or every time they face a curveball, you are there for them? But they do not show as much interest when you want a shoulder to cry on? This is not only a sign of narcissism but also an indication of compulsive complacence for the relationship. They might hide their real selves behind the pretense of a caring partner initially, but if you miss this sign, you will never really get a companion in them.
Initially, their efforts to keep you away from the trouble of making decisions will appear to be responsible and protective. But later in life, they will make all small and big decisions for you. From what restaurant to eat at to where your family should settle down--they will not allow you to have any say. Over a period of time, this habit will turn into toxicity and you will wake up every morning feeling emotionally abused.
It is an admirable quality to be ambitious about one's career and putting in earnest efforts to achieve the goal that they have set for themselves. Being committed to one's work not only makes them claim respect among people, but they also start inspiring other people to dream big. But, admit it or not, between work and relationships, one has to suffer when the other is given more value. If your partner is a workaholic and takes the relationship for granted to achieve their career goals, you need to make a call or suffer in silence. You should not have to sacrifice your happiness for them.
What are the red flags that you think should not be missed in a relationship?
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.