She wants her daughters to know that virginity is a myth, and sex doesn't change anything in life.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on December 1, 2021. It has since been updated.
"Losing your virginity" is a buzz term that none of us have escaped while growing up. We have always been made told about the importance of virginity through popular media, adults, friends, and any other source we can think of. Losing the big "V" is portrayed as some sort of a milestone that one needs to achieve in their life.
The idea of virginity perpetuates the cycle of shame for people, mostly women. Since virginity is construed as the pinnacle of purity for women, a woman who refrains from sex is considered chaste and pure. However, a man who refrains from sex is just "inexperienced". Moreover, the belief in something as non-existent as virginity forces us to believe that only penetrative sex is the ultimate kind of sex.
It's high time we drop the stigma and taboo that surrounds pleasure and focus on rational and healthy ways of maintaining sexual relationships and physical intimacy, and that's exactly what writer Cayce LaCorte wants.
The mother of five recently took to TikTok, where she spoke about how she taught her daughters about virginity. Responding to mom-influencer Nevada Shareef's question, "Name something about the way you raised your kids that people think is weird but you think is healthy" LaCorte said, "I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this, but what are you gonna do? I'm raising my five daughters to believe that there is no such thing as virginity."
She added, "It is a patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose other than making women feel bad about ourselves. Just because some guy randomly sticks his penis in you at some point in your life, it does not change your worth. It does not change who you are. It doesn't do anything other than it happened."
LaCorte knew this statement wasn't going to bode too well with critics, so she went on to explain further. "Sex is important. It's a big deal; it should always be a big deal. It has nothing to do with your first time. It's just ridiculous. The whole concept is ridiculous," she explained, noting the sex should not be associated so closely with a person's moral character. "I'm raising them to be good people and have solid foundations and make their own choices and make intelligent choices. Not because some book says not to," she said concluding the video.
Her video soon went viral, and when Bored Panda reached out to her, she revealed that there were quite a few people who left comments on her post saying that they had "never thought about it and how as soon as I brought it up, they whole-heartedly agreed." She continued, "It’s such an ingrained part of our society that most people don’t even register it anymore but the minute you bring it up, they’re like, ‘Yeah, that’s bullshit.'"
The mother, who goes by the user name @book_mama, added, "There is still so much pressure placed on young men and women surrounding virginity that if we remove that thinking, it opens up a whole other avenue of thought and healthy conversation." When asked if she received any hate for her parenting style, LaCorte said that most have been very "supportive and amazing" but there "are a handful of people who think I’m going to wreak havoc on their way of life, and to be honest I think a little havoc could be good for them."
Of course, she received comments from parents who believe that the TikTok mom is "going against the Bible" and is "attacking their parenting style." For them, LaCorte's response is very simple—to be absolutely honest with their kids.
"It could be something as simple as, ‘I’m not super comfortable talking about this, but those are my issues, not yours. I want you to know you can come to me so just be patient and we’ll get through this together," she advised. "It actually can help them see you as a person, not just a parent, and trust you more. I tell my girls that I’m sorry all the time. If I lose my temper, I’m fir to stop and admit I’m stressed about something else, it’s not fair to take it out on them, I’m sorry, and I’ll try and do better next time."
Finally, she shared her belief that "the sooner we stop trying to prove to our kids that we’re perfect, the sooner they’ll accept and love their own flaws."
Cover Image Source: Tiktok | @book_mama