When communication between two partners fail, the relationship is hard to sustain. Other problems crop up then.
We live in an era where personal happiness has become more important. This doesn't mean people are selfish but that they value themselves enough to prioritize their happiness and peace of mind over anything else. The reasons for why people get divorced now are in alignment with "recent research findings that behavioral motives such as violence and addiction have declined over time while psychological and emotional divorce motives have increased," the researchers of a study that got published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy wrote. However, the research is based in Denmark.
Other experts point out what the red flags of a declining relationship can be. "If you're not happy, are being reactive or shorter with your partner, or notice significant changes in the relationship, pay attention—these could be red flags," Rachel Needle, a doctorate in psychology and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes in Florida, tells Health.com. Other warning signs include "being less affectionate, less kind to each other, spending less time together, stonewalling each other, or assuming the worst about your partner."
If you notice these changes, it would help to figure out which part of the relationship is not working for you. Here are five most common reasons people get a divorce and your reason for unhappiness in your marriage could be among them:
Almost 36% of people get divorced because of financial problems, as per INSIDER's research with the help of a study done by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). While some people said that money problems contributed to dissatisfaction in a marriage it wasn't the most "pertinent reason for divorce." However, it did add to stress and tension between partners.
Another thing that can affect relationships is having conflicting "money styles," as per Forbes. It's important to find a balance when it comes to how each person handles their money. For instance, if one is a spender and the other is a saver, there can be tension that can lead to further deteriorating the relationship.
It's not just about emotional intimacy but also the physical one. People can have off days but it's important to ensure that both of you are on the same page. For instance, men might be more focused on sexual receptivity for romance while women are the other way around, though not always. Having a dry spell is not anything shameful but withdrawal from any kind of physical affection like hugs could show a disconnect.
"People start telling themselves like, ‘Okay, well the lack of intimacy, I can handle that.’ But ultimately it just becomes too much for them," Erin Levine, family law attorney told Women's Health. Interestingly, this was the topmost common reason for divorce in the study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, according to Health.com.
Having open communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship, says Elizabeth Cohen, a clinical psychologist in New York, to Women's Health. The other problems like lack of intimacy and money problems are all rooted in a lack of communication. Partners need to be able to speak to each other honestly about what they want and their experiences in the relationship. If they are unable to do that, resentment only grows. "Your behavior might not match what your partner needs," Cohen said.
Trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship and without it, not much is left in it. An affair is a sign that communication in the relationship has failed. For the partner who was cheated on, it is like the ultimate betrayal. However, according to Cohen, some people overcome it together but mostly it's when people check out of their relationship. As per INSIDER's study, "Infidelity was often cited as a critical turning point in a deteriorating relationship." For most people, it was the "final straw" that broke their marriage completely.
Substance abuse can be a leading cause of the breakdown of a marriage. One participant in the INSIDER study said, "He never admitted that he even drank. It wasn't me against him. It was me against him and the disease." In the year 2013, the National Center for Biotechnology Information asked 52 people what was the cause of their divorce, and one-third of them cited substance abuse. It could be drugs, alcohol, or another damaging vice, but when the partner refuses to get help or becomes a threat to safety, it breaks the marriage completely, Levine told Women's Health.
References:
https://www.health.com/relationships/most-common-reasons-for-divorce
https://www.insider.com/why-people-get-divorced-2019-1
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a32019433/reasons-for-divorce/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/
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