When these kids become adults, they lack empathy and support that should have been provided to them by their primary caregivers.
Parenting is a tough job but many tend to turn out pretty successful in raising a well-mannered, empathetic individual. But there are some, who abuse their parenting role and become the captain of their child's ship, controlling everything in their life, that can have lead to some deep emotional effects in the long run.
These parents are usually very possessive about their kids and this is a sign that the parent or in some cases parents are suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder. According to Mayo Clinic, people with this personality disorder think of themselves as a very important person and have really troubled relationships because they lack empathy, have no admiration for another person than themselves, and have an extremely fragile ego.
When it comes to parenting, narcissistic parents cannot imagine their child being free, an independent individual, according to Psychology Today. If their child tries to do something that they haven't imagined for him or her, they see it as a threat. They then set unrealistic expectations to fulfill their own dreams rather than their child's.
The manipulation, codependency, possessiveness, and neglect affect the growing child and all in the wrong ways. Their personality changes after living under the shadow of a narcissistic parent and it affects their relationship with others as well as with themselves.
Here are seven signs to notice if you're partner has been raised by narcissistic parents.
According to Psychology Today, as kids, the parents make these children feel that their most basic needs or desire are not as important as theirs. When these children become adults, they have embedded in their heads that their desires and wishes don't matter, they don't matter. So, they start making others feel better like they did with their parents by keeping others' needs before their own. In turn, they feel pleased by becoming the people pleaser.
Kids who grow up with narcissistic parents always wonder if they're good enough because they were always made to feel that they lacked something in all aspects of life. This affects their relationships, friendships, and workplace environment because they never have an opinion of their own.
However, they develop intuition and become highly observant. They can sense the change in the environment, body language, and expressions even before a word is spoken. This helps them keep their guard up.
When an adult who's been raised by a narcissistic parent achieves something, it is always followed by fear or guilt that they could've done better, as per Psych Central. This happens because as kids whenever they did something or expressed happiness, one fault or the other was always pointed out by the parent, killing their moment of joy. This sign can be seen in those who've been with narcissistic partners for a long time as well.
People who've been raised by narcissists have real troubles finding their partners. They can be divided into three categories:
a) Anxious-preoccupied: These are people who desire intimacy and closeness in their relationship but their insecurity and over-attachment ruins it.
b) Dismissive-avoidant: They are individuals who cherish their independence and see those who become a hindrance in it as a threat. Independence is always a priority for them.
c) Fearful-avoidant: These are the ones who feel relationships are painful. While sometimes they become dependent on their partners when they feel rejected, other times they try to run away from them because they feel trapped.
When there is more than one kid in the family, one is chosen by the parent as their own narcissistic extension and the other as the one who would receive all the blame for not achieving enough, as per Huffington Post. Both the kids are a reflection of the parent, the first being the one who shows all the best of the parents' qualities and the other one being the underachiever. Because they have two different childhoods in the same household, resentment and competition take birth.
Kids who grow up in a narcissistic environment tend to follow their parents' path as a coping mechanism. They develop a feeling that the world would accept them only if they put others down before anyone can attack them. This is the way they show that they're strong enough to survive.
According to Psychology Today, when the abuse from the narcissistic parent becomes too much, kids tend to get traumatized and suffer from PTSD. The constant lookout for situations to turn bad, trying to figure out ways to dodge the next attack, these kids endure panic attacks as adults and sometimes get flashbacks of the abuse as well. They become emotionally numb and think only about surviving.
References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent
