She dreamed of a supportive husband and a perfect marriage, but she got none of it. "It was role reversal. He ignores me everywhere," she said.
While the world rejoiced the union of Diana and Prince Charles, the two people who should've been dancing with excitement were not happy at all. On one hand, while Prince Charles was shedding tears for the woman he loved and could not marry, Diana was dreading her walk down the aisle. After all, she was just a 20-year-old young girl in love.
In the tapes she recorded for Andrew Morton, which he would use later to tell her story, she recalled the night before the wedding. She said, "I had a very bad fit of bulimia the night before," according to Express UK.
"I ate everything I could possibly find which amused my sister (Jane) because she was staying at Clarence House with me," she said, adding, "Nobody understood what was going on there. It was very hush-hush. I was sick as a parrot that night. It was such an indication of what was going on. And I sobbed my eyes out. I absolutely collapsed and it was because of all sorts of things."
Prince Charles' feeling for Camilla Parker-Bowles was known to everyone and Diana was no exception. She was aware of her soon-to-be husband's affection for Camilla even though she was someone else's wife. Diana said, "The Camilla thing rearing its head the whole way through our engagement. As I walked up the aisle, I was looking for her (Camilla). I knew she was in there, of course. I looked for her. So walking back down the aisle, I spotted Camilla — pale grey, veiled pillbox hat, saw it all, her son Tom standing on a chair. To this day, you know — vivid memory."
Even though she had her own doubts about her and her husband's future, she was optimistic and hopeful that everything would work out for the good of everybody. But her honeymoon was a sign that things don't always go according to plans. Her struggle with bulimia got even worse. "I thought, you know, it was just grim. I just had tremendous hope in me, which was slashed by day two. I remember crying my eyes out on our honeymoon. I was so tired, for all the wrong reasons totally," she said.
As time moved on, her husband's relationship with Camilla started affecting her in ways even she couldn't understand. Her day's thoughts would haunt her even in her dreams. "My dreams were appalling. At night, I dreamt of Camilla the whole time. I was obsessed by Camilla totally. I didn't trust (Charles) — thought every five minutes he was ringing her up, asking how to handle his marriage," she said.
It wasn't long after her tying the knot with Prince Charles, actually just weeks later, when she took the shocking decision of harming herself. She said, "I was so depressed, and I was trying to cut my wrists with razor blades. It rained and rained and rained."
On another occasion in her tapes, The Daily Mail quoted her saying, "...I’d wanted to talk to Charles about something. He wouldn’t listen to me. So I picked up his penknife off his dressing table and scratched myself heavily down my chest and both thighs. There was a lot of blood — and he hadn’t made any reaction whatsoever."
When Diana decided to sit with Morton and vent out her deepest secrets, in 1991, she was fully aware that her marriage with Prince Charles was on the brink of dissolving because by then he was having an affair with Camilla. Diana was left alone with all her hopes of a successful and loving marriage shattered into a billion pieces.
She said. "I had so many dreams as a young girl that I wanted and hoped — this, that and the other, that my husband would look after me." She continued, "He would be a father figure and he’d support me, encourage me, say: 'Well done,' or 'No, it wasn’t good enough.' But I didn’t get any of that. I couldn’t believe it. I got none of that. It was role reversal. He ignores me everywhere. Ignored everywhere, and have been for a long time."
Diana not only struggled with keeping her marriage intact but also with bulimia and her deteriorating mental health. She once said that she kept her act of the perfect Princess so well that nobody saw that she was "crucifying herself inside because she didn’t think she was good enough."
Diana and Prince Charles finally separated in 1992 and got divorced by 1996. Diana always thought she was different from the others in the royal which worried her a bit, but then she accepted who she was. "Inside the system, I was treated very differently, as though I was an oddball — and I felt I was an oddball, and so I thought I wasn’t good enough. But now I think it’s good to be the oddball — thank God, thank God, thank God!