The world around you is crumbling, you are losing your inner-voice and nothing seems to be going your way. But somehow you don't have the strength to do anything about it.
When you look at the world whizzing past you, while everyone’s in a hurry and you are the only one who can’t seem to move forward, you slowly start losing yourself in the chaos around you. Despite that empty feeling inside you, you still feel the weight pulling you down and dragging you back when you are desperately trying to move forward. Dr. Frank J. Ninivaggi talked about how a burnout can take a massive toll on you and wrote, “The stress reaction escalates and cortisol, known as emotional-hormonal 'public health enemy number one,' rises, to hijack the body and the mind. People then operate on overdrive.”
As you go into overdrive, your entire world starts becoming a blur. The feeling of emotional drain has completely invaded your mind and completely taken over your body as well, making your soul slowly wear out and fall apart. Here are the signs that show how your soul is growing tired, weary and slowly dying.
Every morning fills you with the utmost dread, and the most difficult thing you find yourself doing every day is getting out of bed. And even when you do drag yourself out and gather all the courage inside you to walk of your front door, you go about your day wondering when you can climb back into bed. No matter what you do, no matter where you go and no matter what you tell yourself, you are still unable to bring enthusiasm into the things you do. You no longer have good days or bad days, because all the days seem the exact same to you – meaningless.
You no longer look at yourself in the mirror, because you don’t know the woman who is staring back at you. She no longer has that bright smile on her face; her eyes have lost their old sparkle and she has probably even lost a little bit of weight. The joy that used to light up her face seems to have been put out. Neither do you feel like yourself nor do you recognize yourself anymore. All the times you have tried to figure out where you lost your old self, you are left with no answers. And even if you did know how to get back your old self, you feel like you no more have the emotional strength to do so.
Even though your day is filled with people walking in and out, you still feel like you’re on your own. Sometimes you find yourself in a room full of people but you feel so lost and out of place. You let yourself be invisible while the rest of the world carries on before your eyes. People come up and talk to you but you still don’t feel a spark in any of the conversations. You don’t feel that same old, heartfelt connection you once used to feel, even with your loved ones. You carry the void in your chest and lose yourself to the milling crowd.
Lately, you have been finding it very hard to say ‘no’ to people. You have forgotten all the priorities you once had and you’re slowly losing yourself to other people’s expectations. When your coworkers suggest something you are not particularly in favor of, or when a friend has been asking too much from you, you continue to agree to what they say even when deep down your inner-voice tells you "this isn’t you." You no longer believe in yourself and you don’t fight for your opinions the way you used to before. You’re losing touch over your true feelings and even if you know that it’s not worth it, you still find yourself going along.
Most of the time, you hate what you’re doing throughout the day. Nothing motivates you these days and you have zero energy to find pleasure in the simple things anymore. You can’t remember the last time you felt true excitement and you’re not even sure of the last time you truly laughed. Although you are smiling to the world, you are dying inside as your emotional strength crumbles. You feel like nothing you do is worth the effort, so you keep lying to your friends, your colleagues, your family and - the worst of it all - yourself, trying to prove that there’s nothing wrong while you silently scream inside.
For far too long, you have been carrying the burden of feeling lost, empty, stuck and trapped. All the doubts, the unanswered questions, the unbearable anxiety that you have been feeling has not only consumed every bit of your mind, but your body is shouldering the weight as well. You lie awake at night, you have lost all your appetite and your body is exhausted from the pain of it all. With your mind and body experiencing complete disharmony, your soul is aching inside, desperate for a breath of fresh air or a ray of hope that seems too far out of your reach.
With your guard let down, you can see how people are invading your space and messing with your personal boundaries. There may be a few people in your life who are constantly bringing negativity and drama into your life. Sometimes they go overboard and start manipulating you when they want to get something out of you. The toxicity is poisoning your self-esteem, but you have lost all your strength to fight against it. You don’t know what to do anymore, because you can’t stand the thought of being a victim to their selfish deeds. But when you dig deep, there’s no strength left to fight in you. You are losing your voice.
There’s absolutely no reason for you to learn to live this way. It’s not right and it’s not what you’re meant for. Sometimes you might forget that there’s a beautiful light inside you - your soul - and it’s dying for you to find that little bit of hope that’s enough for you to become the person you once were. Reach out to a friend or talk to your family; that one conversation can take you closer to finding yourself and being the woman you once were. She hasn’t gone anywhere, she’s just a little lost.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.