A man who plays games with my heart and dates me without ever committing to me will soon regret never deciding if he wanted to love me. I'm not going to wait around forever for him to make up his mind.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on January 3, 2020. It has since been updated.
I'm not a project or an experiment. I'm not someone you date if you aren't sure that you want something serious. I'm a human being with emotions and dreams, and I dream of being in a loving, stable relationship with someone who loves me, treasures me, and prioritizes me. If you don't respect my emotions enough to decide if you want to be with me, then I'm not going to waste my time waiting for you. I deserve someone who is sure of what he wants and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I can't deal with the lack of surety of having to deal with someone who doesn't know how he feels about me because I want to invest my time in someone who can make a positive difference in my life every day.
To look out for myself, I need to be sure of what I want. I never commit to anyone or anything unless I'm sure I can give my 100 percent to the relationship. How this helps me look out for myself is that I don't spread my energy and time across too many people or endeavors. My loved ones are few because I want the quality of my relationships with them to be exceptional. I want them to be able to rely on me, and I want to be there for them no matter what I'm going through. To say I'm selective with the people I invest in is putting it mildly.
Trust me, if I decide to date you and love you, it's because I know right from the start that you are worth investing in. I value you from the beginning and choose to give you nothing short of my best. As someone who holds nothing back from the one she loves, believe me when I tell you that you are lucky to have my unconditional love. However, I need the same from you. I cannot give my heart to someone who doesn't value it or treasure it. I can't pour my love into someone who doesn't return it.
I'm looking for an equal relationship with a partner who understands my needs and meets them. I'm looking for a man who is constantly looking for ways to get to know me better and to grow deeper in our relationship. If you're not sure that you want to be vulnerable with me or share your deepest thoughts with me, I can't force you to. I can only give you as much as you are willing to receive, and once I realize that I'm getting nothing in return, I walk away.
See, a man who doesn't know where he wants to be, a man who isn't sure if he wants to be in a relationship with me, is not going to love me wholeheartedly. There'll always be a part of him that he withholds from me because he isn't sure if I'm the one for him. I'm a patient woman, and I am not unreasonable. I understand that relationships take time to grow deeper and for people to really get to know each other. I know that only with time will my soulmate be revealed. But I have a limit, too. If he takes to long to decide, I'm forced to make a decision for him and leave him.
I have my own life to lead, and I have other goals to meet and relationships to invest in. I can't keep investing in a dead end relationship, hoping my partner will one day wake up and realize that he's loved me all along. Part of the reason why I am so strong is that I know when to walk away from someone who doesn't want me, even when it hurts. And hurt it will. Leaving a man I've loved for so long is incredibly painful, but it's a decision I need to make for myself, for my own well-being.
An ambiguous relationship only generates more stress, and I already have plenty of that to deal with in my life. To add to the responsibilities and burdens I carry, I need to also learn not to get too eager about someone who is afraid to commit to me. I can't raise my hopes and then have them come crashing down when I realize that he is never going to make a decision. I deserve clarity, and I'm not about to be used by someone who wants all the benefits of a relationship without ever making a commitment. I am perfectly fine on my own, and as hard as it is, I leave once I realize he may never be sure about me because I deserve better.