It hurts to know that the people I Iove don't value me or care about me, after I sacrificed my own needs to be there for them.
It can be bewildering to discover just how truly alone you are during your times of need, when you call out to your loved ones, and no one shows up for you. It's a reality check and a rude awakening that I was forced to face when I went through a crisis. All the people I had bent backwards to please, all the people I had held during their most painful moments, all the people I had invested all my time and energy in, were too busy when I needed them. It was painful to wake up one day and realize that all the people who professed their undying love and loyalty for me didn't mean a word they said. I felt foolish for giving my all to fake people who were only using me for their own happiness without ever intending to return the favor.
To all the people who said that you'd be there for me and failed to keep their promise, I have something to say to you. You messed up. You lost a loyal friend who went to the ends of the earth for you. I exhausted myself day in and day out trying to make all of you happy. It gave me great joy to see the smiles on your faces, the light in your eyes, and I drew strength from finding new ways to show you that I loved you. I was always a call away, and no matter what I was going through or how drained I was, I always made time for you.
You don't know half of what I was going through because I always gave you my best. You felt free to be yourself around me, and I loved and accepted you with all your flaws. I gave you the reassurance of my love, no matter what you did, and you knew you could always count on me to be there for you. But the moment I started opening up to you, you turned the other way. I don't blame you, not everyone is emotionally mature enough to be a good listener and a decent friend. I just hope you learn to be that way someday, so you don't lose another person like me.
You had your chance to demonstrate your love and loyalty for me, and you blew it. See, I knew you believed that I'd always be kind and understanding. You knew that I'd get that you were busy with work, or that you were stressed about your responsibilities, and I really did understand. I was patient, and I learned to rely on myself because I knew I couldn't rely on you. I still loved you and waited for the moment you would realize just how much I needed you, but that moment never came. Instead of asking me how I was doing, you unloaded more of your burdens on me. That's when I realized that I was being taken for granted and used for my kindness.
It hurt me deeply to know that I was surrounded by people who took my kindness for weakness and thought they could get away with doing the bare minimum. But I know I'm worth people's investment, and I deserve to be with people who love me the way I deserve to be loved. I may be hurt, but I'm not crushed, and I know that I'll find someone out there who will be there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on. They'll listen to me when I open up, and I'll finally know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of love.
I'm not going to waste my time being bitter about the people I mistakenly invested in. I'm not going to stew in anger at having been treated the way I was. I'm not holding on to my anger and sadness at being used by the ones I loved. I've decided to let it go for my own sake. I can't let the sadness eat away at me and ruin everything I love about myself. The best thing I can do for myself is to continue to live happily with people who truly care about me. I may have been willing to sacrifice my needs all this time, but now I'm no longer neglecting myself. I've decided to invest in myself.