It's almost as if you're standing still while your loved ones just pass by around you, not noticing that you're even there.
Do you know that feeling? The one where you could be right in the middle of a huge family gathering but yet feel lonely? It's a heartbreaking feeling. Whether you're with your kids or even your partner, you still feel as if you're on the outside looking in at them. Nobody really seems to notice the inner turmoil going on. And these might be the reasons why:
From the moment you wake up, every day is a hustle to get the kids ready, food on the table, a kiss for your husband and then while they're gone, just an endless list of chores. But even with you doing almost everything for them and making it look so easy, they don't really stop to ask you how you're doing. They don't pause to ask you if you're tired or if you would like something done for you because they assume that you are strong enough to handle everything. Little do they know, just a simple question asking you how you are would mean so much to you.
For as long as you can remember, you've been everyone's rock. Whether it's listening to your daughter cry over her first breakup or the stress that your partner is facing at work, you have taken their pain and absorbed it all like a sponge. But in order to not burden them with your own worries and insecurities, you kept all your emotions buried inside. And it just keeps on piling until some days, you just feel like a dam that's ready to burst. Neither your kids nor your partner knows the inner battle that you go through every day simply because you haven't told them.
As a person experiencing new things, it's no surprise that that knowledge has helped you grow into an even more intelligent and evolved person. It could be that you started adding more books to your reading list or actually going on adventures. But the people around you seem to have stagnated. Your partner might not want to partake in the exciting hikes that you like to go on or your children don't make much of an effort to share in your interests. And it just becomes disheartening and it leaves you feeling stranded and distant from even your loved ones.
Sometimes it feels like your partner and kids suddenly have plans that don't involve you. Where earlier they used to sit with you and share their problems or laugh about something they saw that day, now they seem to be more interested in hanging out with their friends than with you. These days, all you see of your interactions together is when your kids come to you for permission for a party or your partner tells you they're going out for a beer. And your suggestions of hanging out together is somehow always met with "maybe later." You just want them to acknowledge you at least.
If there's one thing you absolutely cannot stand is people being two-faced to you especially when they know you value honesty. You know that you'd be wasting your breath trying to change them so you prefer to just stay away from them, even if they're a family member or a friend. As a result, the moment you find someone being a hypocrite or fake, you retreat into yourself.
You know that small-talk is essential in every conversation. Whether it's asking after someone's kids or finding out about someone's health, it's a great way to start a conversation. But more and more, as you evolve, you find that these conversations lack soul. It worries you because sometimes, it even happens with your kids and partner. And you're afraid that it means they're starting to distance themselves more from you. They just don't come to you anymore to have deep conversations and are so wrapped up in their own lives, they forget that you're a part of them.
This loneliness, it can be overwhelming. In your fight to remain strong, everyone assumes you just are but don't understand that even you need a break. They don't get that you too need someone to be your rock and be there for you when you want to let that dam burst. You too deserve to feel wanted and more than that, needed.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.