It is not easy to say goodbye to a loved one but how do you say your farewell to an unloved one, who caused nothing but pain?
Editor's note: This article was originally published on June 16, 2020. It has since been updated.
Trigger Warning: Mentions of Domestic Abuse
Saying goodbye to someone we loved and someone who loved us back may be one of the hardest things anyone does but what happens when the person you are saying goodbye to makes your life hell? We may have seen or experienced saying goodbye to a loved one, but how does one go about saying goodbye to an unloved one? Experts say that saying goodbye to someone you didn't love because they were toxic can leave some people without any closure. The survivors might have unfinished emotional business and forgiveness may be only the tip of the iceberg.
One woman's YouTube video went viral because her way of saying goodbye to her abusive husband was unique. In the clip from 2017, which has become viral recently, widow Marsha Widener is seen bidding farewell to the man who gave her pain for many years. In the video, watched almost 300,000 times, labeled "Final goodbye to the NASTY BASTARD," Marsha can be seen pouring her abusive husband's ashes in a dumpster.
She starts off by saying that she doesn't expect anyone to understand why she had to take a step so harsh but she is doing it anyway. The video, described as "Sending the criminal abuser to the landfill," is almost 1.50 minutes long and shows how pained she would have been living with Don Widener, who was her husband.
"Peace in, peeps. Now I know you're not going to understand why I'm doing this," Marsha begins in the video. "This is Don Widener," she adds. She has a big black box in her hand and it has his name stuck as a label to it. She continues, "His family don't want him. His brother doesn't want him around. His kids don't want him (actually, they want him to go in the gutter). He drove a garbage truck and picked up [trash] for businesses so we're sending him back to the landfill!"
She then takes out a clear plastic bag that contains his ashes and continues to untie it. As she pours in his ashes into the garbage, she counts all the reasons why he belongs there. It becomes obvious that he had caused pain to many people around him, including his parents and largely to her. "This is for all the turmoil and all the pain that he has caused my children, [me], and what he calls his parents," she said. "This little bit right here is for all the times he kicked me in the head," she narrates. "Yep, [he] put my head through a window."
This sounds like a very difficult experience that she's gone through and while many people might question why she didn't leave him, it is not known that she didn't. It is also not easy for anyone to leave a partner who is toxic and abusive. There are people who may be afraid or think that abuse is normal, or they might feel embarrassed because of the stigma around being a domestic abuse survivor. They could also be experiencing low-esteem or might still love that abusive person.
People stay with abusive partners also because of cultural or religious reasons or language barriers and immigration status or from the fear of being outed. It could also be due to a lack of money and other resources or because of a disability, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
When Marsha pours out the ashes, some of it flies up into her face so she moves away and drops the bag in the process. The ashes were as scattered then as it was neatly set inside the clear bag. Instead of doing something to pick the ashes up, she stomps on it. And it becomes obvious that the disappointment of having a life partner who never cherished her and only hurt her is not something she will be able to let go easily. Throwing out the ashes is her way of finding solace in an unsatisfactory situation.
One YouTube user commented on the video saying, "Marsha I hope everything is better from now on for you and your family." Another one said, "This may be the most hardcore thing I've ever seen in my life. Glad you were able to literally throw your abuser in the trash, I can't imagine how amazing that must have felt."
References:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7xKHQP1I0s
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationships/
Representational Cover Image Source: Getty Images | Photo by Luis Alvarez
Disclaimer: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. For anyone affected by abuse and needing support, call 1800−799−7233.
