Woman Who Suffered A Miscarriage Shares Things That No One Tells Us About Losing A Baby

Trigger Warning: This article contains details about miscarriage that some readers may find distressing

Roughly 10 to 20 percent of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage, according to the Mayo Clinic. However, despite how common they are, not many people discuss what it is like to lose a baby. In a now-viral Twitter post, Kristen R. Moore, who suffered a miscarriage herself, decided to talk about the topic openly and share her own lived experience. From the struggles of infertility to the costs of a miscarriage, Moore explained the details that not many do. She thus sparked a conversation, erasing some of the stigmas around the subject.

"Today, I paid over $1000 out of pocket for my miscarriage," she posted. "They didn't tell me it would cost so much to lose a baby. Here are other things they don't tell you about miscarriages." One of the first things she shared was how long it takes: "It's not an event that's suddenly over. It's like a fucking marathon. A sad, dehydrated marathon with nothing on the end but empty." Moore also discussed how not many medical practitioners are trained to handle a miscarriage: "Practitioners who support birth don’t necessarily know how to support miscarriage—the joy of birth is so stark when compared to the grief and loss of miscarriage. Some of y’all need training."

Furthermore, Moore opened up about how isolating the experience actually is. "Miscarriage is so, so lonely, y’all," she wrote. "The emptying of your body like that… Bless it. You really DON’T want to talk about it, but you sometimes want to scream about it. Where can we go to scream?" She later added, "No one talks about it, so you don’t know how to talk about [it]. People say the wrong thing, but you’re so sad that you don’t want to say, 'Don’t ever say that to a person miscarrying.'"

She did talk about how there are some forms of support, but that they are mostly "blips on a terrible painful road." She stated, "There are humans who feel like little angels: The tech who asks if you want to hear the lack of heartbeat, the friend you can scream with, the partner who'll hold you in your grief." Moore also commented on things not to say to someone when they have just suffered a miscarriage. "[I] do not recommend: 'But you can try again soon, right?' upon hearing the news," she wrote. "Also, do not recommend: 'Everything happens for a reason.' Or 'This is all part of God’s plan.'"

Her tweets struck a chord with others who have gone through the same experience. Therefore, other Twitter users chimed in about their own miscarriages. One user responded, "My heart goes out to you so deeply. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks. I walked around the house the day after the confirmation but before the [dilation and curettage], feeling like my body wasn't a temple but a tomb. I am sorry. Just so, so sorry love. Survive. That's literally all anyone can ask." Another added, "I’ve lost two babies. I was violently ill during both miscarriages. People don’t tell you how sick a miscarriage can make you. I’ve paid thousands of dollars for my [dilation and curettages]. Almost the same I paid to have a living child." Evidently, while the topic is a sensitive one for many, it is time to remove the taboo that shrouds miscarriages. If we are to build more resilient support systems, we need to open up the conversation.