In a now-viral Twitter thread, user Kristen R. Moore shared her lived experience of miscarriage, inspiring others to do the same.
Trigger Warning: This article contains details about miscarriage that some readers may find distressing
Roughly 10 to 20 percent of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage, according to the Mayo Clinic. However, despite how common they are, not many people discuss what it is like to lose a baby. In a now-viral Twitter post, Kristen R. Moore, who suffered a miscarriage herself, decided to talk about the topic openly and share her own lived experience. From the struggles of infertility to the costs of a miscarriage, Moore explained the details that not many do. She thus sparked a conversation, erasing some of the stigmas around the subject.
8. You want it to speed up and slow down all at once. Hurry, hurry, hurry up, and then no, don’t go--please don’t go.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
"Today, I paid over $1000 out of pocket for my miscarriage," she posted. "They didn't tell me it would cost so much to lose a baby. Here are other things they don't tell you about miscarriages." One of the first things she shared was how long it takes: "It's not an event that's suddenly over. It's like a fucking marathon. A sad, dehydrated marathon with nothing on the end but empty." Moore also discussed how not many medical practitioners are trained to handle a miscarriage: "Practitioners who support birth don’t necessarily know how to support miscarriage—the joy of birth is so stark when compared to the grief and loss of miscarriage. Some of y’all need training."
14. It's expensive and painful (like birth) and at the end you don't get anything except a bill and a new playlist called, "Shit to help you get through the baby that never was."— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
Furthermore, Moore opened up about how isolating the experience actually is. "Miscarriage is so, so lonely, y’all," she wrote. "The emptying of your body like that… Bless it. You really DON’T want to talk about it, but you sometimes want to scream about it. Where can we go to scream?" She later added, "No one talks about it, so you don’t know how to talk about [it]. People say the wrong thing, but you’re so sad that you don’t want to say, 'Don’t ever say that to a person miscarrying.'"
I’m so very sorry for the loss you are experiencing. It stays with you in all the years to come. My husband and I miscarried 3 times at 12 weeks. Two required surgery. All left an unrelenting ache. My heart breaks for you. You can scream this way any time.— Katrina Hinson (@KLHinson) November 1, 2021
She did talk about how there are some forms of support, but that they are mostly "blips on a terrible painful road." She stated, "There are humans who feel like little angels: The tech who asks if you want to hear the lack of heartbeat, the friend you can scream with, the partner who'll hold you in your grief." Moore also commented on things not to say to someone when they have just suffered a miscarriage. "[I] do not recommend: 'But you can try again soon, right?' upon hearing the news," she wrote. "Also, do not recommend: 'Everything happens for a reason.' Or 'This is all part of God’s plan.'"
You grieve not only the loss of your baby but also all the plans and hopes and dreams. Scream away. I lost one between my kids and was grateful to have had a midwife to get me through it.— Barbara 😷 (@bigskybabs) November 2, 2021
Her tweets struck a chord with others who have gone through the same experience. Therefore, other Twitter users chimed in about their own miscarriages. One user responded, "My heart goes out to you so deeply. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks. I walked around the house the day after the confirmation but before the [dilation and curettage], feeling like my body wasn't a temple but a tomb. I am sorry. Just so, so sorry love. Survive. That's literally all anyone can ask." Another added, "I’ve lost two babies. I was violently ill during both miscarriages. People don’t tell you how sick a miscarriage can make you. I’ve paid thousands of dollars for my [dilation and curettages]. Almost the same I paid to have a living child." Evidently, while the topic is a sensitive one for many, it is time to remove the taboo that shrouds miscarriages. If we are to build more resilient support systems, we need to open up the conversation.
I am sorry for everyone’s loss and trauma. I hope when you share your stories you remind people to make better voting decisions. There should be no financial hardship or insurance or moral shenanigans underscoring your physical and mental anguish. Not in a civilised country.— Markian Hlynka (@mhlynka) January 6, 2022