We have a list of things that explains what women may really need to improve their sex life.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on October 22, 2021. It has since been updated.
Having regular sex comes with many benefits. A study found that people in committed relationships who had sex more than once a week felt happier and closer to their partners. In addition to this, the act also improves heart health and may even boost one's energy. But more often than not, you find that you're not in the mood to have sex. Well, you're not alone in this feeling. Many women have these fluctuating sex drives which often arise from bigger issues. A psychotherapist and sex therapist, Ian Kerner, Ph.D., explains, "In some ways, sexual desire is a barometer of your overall health. If someone comes in with a low libido, it can often be an indication that something else is going on emotionally or physically."
So what can you change this and make the bedroom scene more interesting? Well, we have a list of things that explains what women may really need to improve their sex life and feel happy and healthy about it.
The first step is always to understand yourself. What do you want out of a sexual experience? "Knowing what feels good, what turns you on, what turns you off, the stimulation you need to move through the process of arousal, the positions you like, and a partner who can dance with you in that way and knows the dance, is helpful," explains Dr. Kerner. Masturbation is also a good way to help women understand and learn what they like in bed.
Once you know what gets you going, you need to communicate those things to your partner so they understand your needs better. "If you feel uncomfortable sharing, frame what you want in the form of a fantasy," says Dr. Kerner. Meanwhile, sex educator and co-host of the American Sex Podcast, Sunny Megatron suggests, "Take one night to have a raw discussion about what you do and don’t like sexually, explore new sex moves, and talk about your hidden fantasies. Don’t pressure yourself to be sexy, just experiment to see what you like and say what you normally avoid saying out of fear of embarrassing yourself or sounding insensitive."
Women can experience vaginal dryness, irrespective of their age. To make things comfortable, you can use lubricants but make sure to choose the right kind. While there are many kinds of products in the market Kerner recommends using natural, water-based lubricants. Moreover, you shouldn't skip foreplay, which actually helps lubricate the passage naturally. "You could be aroused physically but not mentally, or vice versa, so you may just need to give yourself more time to warm up," he explains.
When you don't feel good about your body, it can ruin your sexual experience by deviating your attention. A study found that frequent exercising and physical fitness can help enhance attractiveness and also increase the level of energy for both. "For both men and women, negative body image can get in the way and be an inhibiting factor," Kerner says. "Positive body image can increase confidence — I’ve had patients who lost a pound or two or started exercising and found that their sexual self-esteem rose." It is also important to remember that you don't have to have an idealistic body to enjoy sex. It's more about the experience than one's body.
To be able to enjoy yourself to the fullest, you need to communicate, concentrate, and be confident. For this to happen, it is extremely important to trust your partner because it's quite difficult to have a carefree romp when you're feeling disconnected. To help them understand you better, you could show them what you like. "Masturbating allows your partner to see you enjoy pleasure, which can build intimacy," suggests the author of Girl Sex 101, Allison Moon, according to Healthline. Pleasuring yourself in front of your partner helps you practice a level of vulnerability that helps with arousal and promotes closeness.
Ask your partner, "When was the last time you got tested for STDs?" It is indeed an uncomfortable thing to ask, but it's one that will ensure healthy intercourse. Moreover, it will allow you to focus on the act better instead of losing focus wondering about these things. Don't hesitate to have a discussion about birth control or their previous sexual partners. Asking the questing in the right manner is also important. Kerner suggest putting a positive spin on it and asking, "I find you really sexy, and I'm interested in a relationship with you. But for me to fully enjoy myself, I want to talk about our sexual histories and get on the same page about safety." If the person is not willing/ uncomfortable to talk about it, maybe it's not yet time to get into a sexual relationship with them.
Representative cover image source: Getty | Photo by Aleksandar Georgiev